Category: Motherhood

Finding My Balance

Finding My Balance

Posted on by Rebecca

I’ve always been a believer that if you manage your time properly then you can fit most things into your life and for the most part I still believe that. Managing your time and prioritising what’s most important is hard and takes practice  but it’s not impossible. However, something I’ve realised lately is that there is only so much time in the day and it’s not physically possible to do it ‘all’.

I was up last night thinking about balance, well the concept of it anyway. Everything you see these days points to “Finding a Balance”, magazines, health seminars, articles on how to create the perfect “work/life” balance. Is it possible to actually achieve a balance? Honestly? I don’t think so . You will never be able to balance all aspects of your life all at one time. Life has seasons, and chapters, and it ebbs and flows. “Balance” is not static, it’s a state of constant flux. The pressure we put on ourselves to try and equalize “life” and “work” is ridiculous. I honestly think the drive to achieve “a balanced” daily lifestyle could lead to put so much additional pressure on ourselves.

Raising children is hard enough, and then there’s building your career. Life is a constant balancing act of work, time with children, school runs, lunch appointments, if you are lucky you get to squeeze in a gym session, but when do we stop? When do we just breathe and take a moment?

If we just accept the fact that some weeks may be easier than others, some weeks you may get to gym 3 times a week, and others you may skip completely, but you know what, that’s OK! As long as you don’t lose sight of your greater goal/intention, you can only do the best you can. I LOVE my time at New Body Studio. I adore my Pilates, Yoga, Ballet and yes SOMETIMES even Rebound. More than the exercise itself I love connecting, having a good chat and spending time with like minded people. I am far from a fitness freak, but every person needs their “something” whether its immersing yourself into art classes, cooking up a storm, walking in the wild or perfecting your tree. Its important to take time out for self care, to reconnect your soul and mind. Try and find your thing and always keep sight of it.

We have to stop thinking that there will be a magical moment where it all pans out. A place where we will suddenly juggle work, family, self-goals and still roll into bed at 10 pm. There are not enough hours in the day! Life involves constant adjustments and priority shifts. You put focus into one area, and another area has to step back for a while. Some weeks I may work until 3 everyday and get to do fun activities with the boys, and others I may only get home in 5, just in time for dinner, bath and bed time routines. On those nights, I cherish my snuggles and kisses that much more. Not being able to take my boys out and about when they are on holidays and I’m in the office pushes my mommy guilt through the roof! I wish I could just show them everything the world has to offer, It doesn’t make me a bad mother, it makes me a normal mother! Trying to balance life in heels. Months may fly by where I don’t make one on one time with my friends, I feel like I’m the worlds crappiest friend or sister. Yet other months we may see each other 3 times in 2 weeks. The ability to see beyond the “black and white” balance is what I’m trying to get at. I need to stop focusing on trying to cram all things into one day, but step back and evaluate what matters and reallocate time to those things.

Let go of “trying to be perfect”! People living “perfect” lives and posting about them online can be daunting for those who live a normal life and are constantly scrolling. Don’t succumb to the pressure, the idea of perfectionism is hugely subjective. If you can accept that no one is perfect and absolutely no human being has the perfect balance you will let go of the guilt. Go easy on yourself mama, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other.

So yes some weeks I may cram in a million crafts and adventures with my boys, and other days I am a Martha Stewart extraordinaire. Sometimes I even get it right and manage my 3 days of exercise per week, or push out 3 blogs in a week, but mainly I’m just trying to find a way to get through my to do list, one point at a time. From high heels to high chairs, trying to balance work, life, motherhood and marriage. Life is beautiful! With all of its chapters and seasons. If I ever find the magic formula I’ll let you know 🙂

Ultimate Fathers Day Gift Guide

Ultimate Fathers Day Gift Guide

Posted on by Rebecca

Fathers day is one of those days that I absolutely adore buying gifts for, but I’m so tired of seeing the standard “beer, braai, biltong” gifts around. Sadly none of the men in my family are huge star wars fans (apart from my brother in law), because there certainly is not a shortage of star wars paraphernalia around. I never struggle finding gifts for my dad. Hes a “mans” man, so he loves anything outdoors, survival tools, a good chocolate or a giant bag of liqourice. My husband on the other hand always leaves me stumped. He has more refined taste. He likes luxury clothes and colognes that I often cant actually afford 🙂 I’ve previously gifted him with experiences an opposed to material things and that proved a hit, so I have listed some here.

I’ve put together my top list to help you out with some of the thinking. Be it something small, like the ultimate survival tool from mantality, to a bigger buy such as the swing tracker or drone; there’s something in here for everyone!

From top left to right:

The Satchel 13” – The Burgundy Collective R2500 . Simulator and Intro Flight Experience – Mantality R2999. DJI Tello Drone (This is a great mid range drone and its on special) – The Gadget Shop R1799. Matsimela Vanilla and Sandalwood Medium Crate R380 .Victorinox – Spartan 91mm – Red Swiss Army Knife – Takealot.com R305. Tonglite light up Braai Tongs – Mantality R320. Sorbet Man Voucher (or Shaving Kit products). Invitcus by Paco Rabanne – From R1030 at Edgars. Wild & Wolf Grooming set – Mantality – R799. Fathers Day Pyjamas – Edgars – Starting from R129.95  Gear Cuff Links – Mantality – R149. Garmin TruSwing Golf Club Sensor – Loot.co.za – R2131. Mini Survival Kit (Perfect for climbers) – Mantality – R99. The Dopp Kitt – The Burgundy Collective – R650.

There you have it, just some of my favourite picks to spoil the special men in your life. As I was out and about this weekend I also saw some cute PJ’s for dad at Edgars (you can view more on my instastories) and Netflorist.co.za is always a fantastic place for personalized chocs and cookies.

“A Father is someone you look up to. No matter how tall you grow.” – Unknown

Whatever you get enjoy every second spoiling your loved ones. Happy Shopping!

My Top Winter Skin Essentials For The Family

My Top Winter Skin Essentials For The Family

Posted on by Rebecca

I think over the last week we can officially say we have welcomed the winter season. In case the weather outside didn’t give you a clue, your skin certainly would have! Cold, drier weather brings out its own set of challenges and suddenly we have to up our game in the hydration department. I’ve put together a few of the winter essentials that we have recently been using as a family.

Body Care

I’ve mentioned it numerous times before but all the men in my family suffer from eczema. Add in the Highveld winters as a factor and it doubles the problem. I have really found the product that works best on their body is Aveeno. As a family we use the entire range. Hubster uses the Dermexa range which helps to relieve the effects of psoriasis, I use the daily moisturizing lotion and the boys the baby range of course. Up until trying the Aveeno Baby range I had not found an effective moisturizer for them, I found that lotions sat on the top of their skin and after a day their body still felt dry, this has been a game changer. I only ever buy this now.

Face Care

I’ve been trying out Neutrogena’s Hydro Boost Range just to give my skin that extra moisture surge.

I love the fact that it has hyaluronic acid in it. This delivers a hydration reservoir to your skin, acting as a sponge for dry skin, hydrating it continuously throughout the day. No tight or dehydrated feeling at all.

City Shield Hydrating Lotion SPF 25 (RSP R139.95) – It’s a myth that in winter we don’t have to think about SPF, The sun is actually even closer to the earth in the winter months, despite what your heating bill says. Even though it packs a hydration punch, it doesn’t have that “heavy”, sticky feeling at all. I went for a facial recently and the therapist commented that the small bumps on my face could be directly related to pollutants.I love the fact that this lotion helps defend the skin against pollution. Its packed with antioxidants which protect the skin from pollution damage.

Smoothing Exfoliator Gel (RSP R99.95): We still need to exfoliate our skin in winter. To stop the skin from becoming itchy, we need to exfoliate regularly. It’ll trigger a natural repair process to help build collagen. I have quite a sensitive skin and I’ve been using this once a week with no problems. It also contains that hyaluronic acid, proven to increase skin’s hydration level and lock it in.

Eye-Awakening Eye-Cream (RSP R139.95): I have to admit I have never really been a fan of eye cream. I have always found them a bit pointless and just figure its an “extra step” to add onto my daily beauty routine. Ive never really seen a “difference”. This one made me swallow my words. The absorption is fantastic is literally gets sucked in by your skin and doesn’t leave the greasy residue at all. I haven’t really noticed a difference with “dark circles” but i actually don’t think any eye cream would combat them.

For my boys I have use Eucerin’s Aquaphor (RSP:R99). It’s quite a thick skin balm but nothing works better on their dry, chapped cheeks. I have noticed a gap in the market when it comes to children’s facial products, and typically would just use a little coconut oil. The harsh winter air plays havoc with their baby soft cheeks and a little dab of this at bedtime has them all kissable again in the morning.

Hands On

Hands can really take a knock in winter. Skin around your nails in particular takes a beating from stripping soap. I loving Clinique’s Deep Comfort Hand and Nail Cream. I hate “oily” hand creams, the kind that leave a residue so slick that you can’t even open a door. This hand cream absorbs and leaves a decadent, deeply moisturized feeling on your hands. Healthy hands mean healthy nails.

Treat your Feet

Milk Solutions Milk & Honey Hydrating Heel Balm (RSP R158)

Every single person I know suffers from dry heels in winter. I was lucky enough to attend the launch of Beauty Warriors in Johannesburg last month. In our goodie bags was a tub of this life saver. This is deeply nourishing and honestly penetrates the skin. Just one application of this overnight will see a difference in your tootsies. It’s not a cream, it’s a thick, wax like balm to lock moisture in, while the milk and honey promise to heal and hydrate the skin. Maybe now by the time summer comes I wont be ashamed to wear open shoes.

Lip Talk

I’m not a regular user of lip balms, these days most of the lippies and glosses have a moisturizing aspect. In winter at night, I have to use a protectant. My go to’s are normally Labello or good old Elizabeth Arden 8 hour cream. Labello does has a slightly better taste on your lips.

There you have it. That’s what we use daily in the winter months as a family. Another life saver that should get a mention is Bio-Oil. Generally I dab a bit on after the shower. What products do you consider to be your winter essentials?

Learning To Relax – Tips On Being A Calm Parent

Learning To Relax – Tips On Being A Calm Parent

Posted on by Rebecca

Typically I am the calm mum, that mum who people comment and say “You’re so good with them, you’re so relaxed” but lately I feel like I have been shouting more than I’d like with my boys. I am NOT a shouty person, I despise fighting and raised voices, and I don’t know why for some reason my voice has been a decibel louder than I’d like with them recently. I realized however, I’m fighting the system. I’m normally an advocate for “don’t sweat the small stuff” and I guess I haven’t been taking my own advice.

Today was the last straw, I was functioning on 3 hours sleep (the boys woke up when we got up to eat our Sehri – Breakfast before the sun comes up in the month of Ramadan), and they didn’t go back to sleep. Which meant I didn’t go back to sleep. Which meant grumpy mummy. Naturally. My youngest (recently 3) doesn’t need to sleep as much as my eldest does (he’s 4), and tends to fight his sleep till the last second. 80 percent of the time after a day at playschool, they can fall asleep in the car on the way home. For Yusuf this is the only way he naps in the day, apart from being tied on your back. I digress, Aadam (4), fell asleep within minutes of fetching him and of course Yusuf didn’t. He fought, and fought, and double blinked his cute little eyelids as much as he could. I kept my patience and drove a little longer, one more time around the block. He started to moan that he wanted to go home, I said “sleep baby its ok”, and took another turn. I shouldn’t have done that. He saw the house gate and all hell broke loose with crying. I tried to calm him in a hushed tone telling him we would go home now, and not to cry as he would wake his brother. He screamed louder. He woke his brother. He also woke the VERY GRUMPY mummy in me.

I shouted so much at my poor little guy, for simply not wanting to nap, and I caught myself. Never again. I will not waste my time, or petrol, trying to force him to sleep if he doesn’t want to. Bed time may even be easier? Let’s see how we go… For all of that long story there is a point to my writing. I need to take some of my own advice on going back to calm parenting.

Parenting doesn’t come with instructions. We don’t know if we are doing it right. We struggle to understand their choices and personality traits. We struggle to understand why they don’t just do things when we tell them too (duh… kids aren’t robots), we struggle to understand why they don’t want to sleep (maybe because life is just so exciting?). We struggle.

So after all of that, here are my tips on calm parenting, which i feel NORMALLY contribute to general overall happiness and which I need to remember just a little.

1. Relax

Easy right? You didn’t need to see that in writing. Sometimes though you do. Take a deep breath, ask yourself is this life changing? Is this going to contribute to my child being a better person or having good manners? Will they turn into a tyrant by not napping? (Reality check for me, kids grow up, they will stop napping eventually). Our children feel everything and notice everything, even if they don’t tell us. Our moods affect them, just as their moods affect ours. If I am on edge or grumpy, guess what, they will act up. Once you let go of expectations, the whole house is more relaxed and is happier. Try it!

2. Enjoy your children, have FUN with them!

I’ve spoken about this before in a previous article, on living my life through the eyes of my children. On seeing the joy in everything. Anything is possible with the start of a new day. We get so wrapped up in our work, our errands, and our life. STOP! Make the time, trust me it’s there. Your kids don’t want a SUPERMOM, they want a PRESENT MOM. Let go of the small things, the dirty dishes in the sink, the spill on the floor (I hope my husband is not reading this 🙂 ). Enjoy your children, they grow up so so quickly. Live in the moment and PLAY. My son was dancing around and singing this afternoon, acting like he was on Broadway with a scarf around his neck. “DANCE WITH ME MAMA” he sang.  My automatic reaction was “mummy has to go back to work”, and he asked again “LETS DANCE, COME”. I stopped and we danced. Swinging him around the room and seeing his beautiful smile lightened up my heart and soul. It didn’t even take 5 minutes. These are the moments that count. These are the moments that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

3. Shouting Doesn’t work 

In case you didn’t pick that up from my introductory paragraph. YUP, all they hear is noise. It scares them. They don’t understand the message. They become immune to the screams and you just have to shout louder. This takes some conditioning, its natural. When you feel yourself about to lose it, I’ve learnt to literally step back. Close your eyes and take the deepest breathe possible. Breathe out. Explain why you are mad. If I speak to my boys in a calm, firm voice, it actually scares them more than shouting! They know mama means business!

4. Always be open to learning

This parenting thing is an endless learning curve, whether you have a new-born, toddlers or even when your kids are at university. Different chapters, different personality changes, it never stops. Move with them. Don’t forget it is OK to say No to your children, you are a parent first and foremost. You are there to SHOW them right from wrong and to guide them. Grow with your children, get involved in their interests, and push your boundaries. Explore. DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN

Life is stressful. Being a mom can bring out the worst in us. When life feels overwhelming, we often want to control everything we can. Remember we are raising little humans, NOT robots. They will not conform to your every expectation. A relaxed mom has a better relationship with her kids. A relaxed mom is healthier, and happier… and her kids are too.

So now I’m going to take a “whoooo-saaa” moment, take a deep breath and be a better mama tomorrow.

Dear Mama – Because it all makes sense now

Dear Mama – Because it all makes sense now

Posted on by Rebecca

Dear Mama,

I don’t quite know where to start. The day I became a mother was the day I could truly say I understood you. I understand the long days and tough nights, I understand you saying “Just try some” at every meal, I completely get the scrambled eggs for dinner on a Sunday night. At bedtime, when the boys wont stop wriggling, I remember you telling me to “stop wriggling and settle down”. I understand it all now.

You have never been one to conform. You certainly are not a conventional “Martha Stewart” mother, in fact quite the opposite. From what I can remember Dad did the bedtime stories and weekend cooking. Yet you are the perfect mother, to me.

You are a strong, free-spirited “Hippy” child. I’ve often thought that you always consider me to be a “bore”. The perfect example of a strong woman, you created an empire and had a passion and vision for what you did, you showed me that I can achieve anything! Through hard work and drive, I can do whatever I set my mind too. I remember as a child, I was often upset when you missed swimming galas or competitions, award ceremony’s or homework; wishing you could have been more like the mum’s who didn’t work in an office. Looking back, I hold none of it against you. You were a business woman, and thankfully, I never took it personally. You are the perfect example that as long as you have a passion, you can achieve anything. Growing up and seeing your ambition is what taught me to be strong and to not let every little thing life throws at me tear me down, but instead, build me up.

In my opinion, I had the perfect childhood. I grew up in the bush and either spent my afternoons swimming, playing some sort of ball sport, making forts under thorn trees and chasing snakes (yes you read that correctly). How I didn’t end up with any serious injuries is beyond me. Weekends were always spent at the Yacht Club, either sailing, swimming or paddle boarding. Thank you for not being a “Helicopter parent”, thank you for allowing me the freedom to explore and adventure.

As I grew older, you continued to give me freedom. Freedom to make my own mistakes and to learn. Thank you for always having trust in me. You and dad always treated me as an adult. You never gave me a “strict” curfew, you never stopped me from doing something I wanted to do. You trusted me, and I never had a reason to rebel. Your confidence pushed me to be the best that I could be. You gave me just enough freedom that I could explore and learn, but I always knew what was right and what was wrong.

When I had a meltdown because I wanted to go to boarding school (I know right?), I literally remember crying my eyes out because all my best friends were going, you held strong and said “I need you here”. When you forced me to take a gap year before university, even though I may not have wanted to at the time, you knew what was best. You always pushed me to explore, to travel, to adventure.

You are the “cool” mum. All our friends loved coming over and you loved entertaining.  I have the best memories of my birthday parties and all the amazing cakes you did. My love of events stems through your passion and expertise. You love a good party, and my social skills are certainly down to being your daughter. You believe that life is meant to be lived, and enjoyed, and everything should be enjoyed, in moderation of course!

While I was growing up we used to disagree a lot (we still do), on how life should be and what matters the most. Now that I’m a mother, I cannot tell you how grateful I am. For all the shopping trips to Woolworths, the grocery shopping and my endless nagging “Can I have this, can I have that”. The help you have gave me with the boys, straight after birth was invaluable. I couldn’t have done it without you. Yes you may not have been the best “night nanny” :), but You always looked out for ME, because without me being strong, the boys couldn’t be strong. You always put ME first. You’re also pretty darn good at singing babies to sleep.

I love you mama and you have been the best role model. I couldn’t be more thankful for all that you do, for all the little white lies you told to protect me, to protect my childhood, for all the times you pushed me out of my comfort zone. For all the times you simply didn’t ask questions, thank you for giving me the freedom to soar. Sometimes, I know I get busy, but you are so appreciated. Certainly I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it weren’t for you. So, thank you – for absolutely everything.

You’re my hero.

PS.. Dad dont worry, fathers day is coming soon 🙂 🙂

Life before kids – the top 10 things i took for granted

Life before kids – the top 10 things i took for granted

Posted on by Rebecca

I think most parents can agree that their lives changes forever when you became a mom or dad. I found my purpose, my meaning in life. I’m responsible for raising good, strong, giving future leaders. For teaching them right from wrong, for bringing smiles to their cute little faces. I love every single minute, despite how tired I am. Once in a while however, I get little “flashbacks” of things that did “BC” that I completely and utterly took for granted.

So here’s a list of some of the things that I took for granted for all of you “parents to be”.

  1. Top on my list has to be sleep. UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP! Whether it’s in a nap form on a Sunday afternoon on the couch, or in my own bed, not having to share my pillow with anyone or a Lie in (what’s a lie in?)– sleep is the one thing I will miss forever.
  2. Watching TV – Since becoming a mummy I can honestly say my TV watching has gone out the window. (I’m not referring to Barney or Paw Patrol). I’m talking about my weekly date with Greys Anatomy and consistently sitting down to watch my favourite shows. It just doesn’t happen anymore. EVER. I’m sure I’ll get back there at some stage in my life, and ill probably have to buy at least 10 box sets to catch up.
  3. “ME Time” – I’m referring to Salon visits here – Pedicures, facials are few and far between. Typically because any extra money I get is typically spent on my kids these days but also because I don’t have the free time anymore. 
  4. Hot Food and Beverages – A hot, uninterrupted mug of tea is literally my absolute favourite thing in the world. My kids have a built in sensor, it beeps every time I sit down to drink my tea. I never get a chance to sip and enjoy my hot cup of tea, in silence. Actually enjoying a long meal from start to finish. All of my meals, including dinner are typically wolfed down and of course is eaten in between cutting up food and giving mouthfuls to my two fledglings.
  5. Travel – Of course travel doesn’t have to stop once you have kids. I just took for granted how easy it is to just book a flight and travel overseas when its just you to think of. Now I have 3 other people to consider (and pay for). 
  6. Running Errands – Mundane things like popping into the store on the way home to boy milk or paying bills at the post office. I always have little people around which involves car seats, “mummy can I have this sweet” or “how long will this take. Enjoy running your errands in peace if you can 🙂
  7. Going to the Shopping Mall – I literally only do this as an absolute last resort if my kids are with me, or if I have back up. I miss strolling through Zara looking at the latest fashion or spotting a cute pair of heels. Nope, none of that now
  8. Lazing by the pool – I used to love lying by the pool, feeling the sun on my skin and closing my eyes. Drifting off on my Lilo. I can’t close my eyes for a minute with my boys by the pool, never mind the fear of drowning, they love splashing me with water !!  
  9. Date Nights – Date Nights were never really “Date Nights”, they were just nights out. Going for a movie or grabbing a dinner after work. I miss that bonding time I had with hubby.
  10. My Parents – from the moment I gave birth I realized just how much I needed my mommy. I am so incredibly grateful and appreciate my mom and dad so much more since becoming a parent. All the sacrifices they made for us, all the times I asked for a chocolate or Fizzy drink whilst shopping. The incredible childhood they gave me, I will never ever take them for granted again. 

I know there will be a time in my life where I get all of this back, and I am certainly not complaining at all. I cherish my children more than life itself, I just thought it would be a nice little reminder for any parents to be to enjoy all the little things; before your lives are turned upside down with sweet kisses and sticky fingers.

Returning to work after baby – tips to help you through

Returning to work after baby – tips to help you through

Posted on by Rebecca

Returning to work…. Three simple words to send a feeling of dread down any new mothers spine … The cause of stress, anxiety and a few grey hairs I’m sure. We can all agree it’s a painful time. Mum guilt is real.

In South Africa we are not as blessed as our European colleagues who can get up to one full year off, though we are a great sight better off than moms in the USA, who typically receive NO paid maternity leave. But at 3 months old, You have just started to bond with your baby, your cute little cherub is actually starting to show some signs of personality and independence. You have just begun to learn your baba’s cues, yet suddenly you’re preparing to leave them with a caregiver of some sort. It’s completely understandable that’s it’s so stressful.

Coupled with the nerves of leaving your baby behind, you also have to deal with your position at work. Will things have changed? Did your colleagues manage your work load smoothly, or did they do it better than you perhaps?

Heres a little advice I can give, based on experience, to help you through.

This too shall pass. Actually, that may become one of my life’s motto’s. It gets easier with time.

Millions of women go back to work after maternity leave. Breathe. You can do this!

Remember that your entire world has just changed, you are dealing with a change in dynamics at home, sleep deprivation, it will take some time to get used to. Go easy on yourself.

Don’t be afraid to enjoy your own time – I can actually laugh when I say that when I went back to work with my eldest, I almost ran out of the front door that first morning. I was lucky though, I had a nanny that I trusted (and continue to trust) tremendously, and at the time, I had slightly flexible hours. I relished the fact that I could get a break from worrying about nap times and smelling of sick up. Being a SAHM is rough yoh!

Nurture your support system – It really does take a village. Make sure that you trust and respect your chosen caregiver, go with your gut and make sure you are comfortable. Ensure that your carer is comfortable with your expectations and has time to adjust to baba before hand. Make sure they know about correct dosages of Panado and signs to check in nappies.

Don’t be afraid to cry – Lets be honest, Mum guilt is VERY real! Remember though, you’re providing for your baby. You’re bringing home money that may better your child’s life. You’re are teaching your child that a woman can have a successful career outside of the home.

If you are breastfeeding don’t be shy about it – There are laws in place to protect you as a new mum. Find out from your HR department what rooms are private and available to use. I used to prop my chair up again the back of the door, because of course It didn’t lock 🙂  Car journeys are also surprisingly the best use of time for pumping. Aint nothing like a traffic jam on the way home with hard boobs 🙂 If you can invest in a great hands free kit, Medela offers a fantastic range and put your car journey to good use.

Stock up on supply – Again if you are breastfeeding you need to start at least a month in advance of building up your freezer supply. I started a bit too late and ended up working myself into a mess making sure baby had enough.

The anticipation is way worse than the reality – Its amazing how you will slip right back into the routine. While the time apart is difficult, it does make you cherish the time you do spend together.

I know from experience your baby wont “forget you”, you’ll see his/her little face light up the second you walk back in the room. Yes your baby may cry when you leave him in the morning, but it will stop, and then you’ll cry the day he doesn’t cry, but its OK, he’s comfortable. It gets easier. The time you do have is more precious and you learn to value quality. Don’t be afraid to find out if your company has flexible hours or family support. You’ll be surprised at how many South African companies are adopting a more global, adaptive structure.

If you have returned to work after baby, what tips helped you get through things?

How To Parent Children With Different Personalities

How To Parent Children With Different Personalities

Posted on by Rebecca

It’s something I should have always known, no two children are the same. Growing up with two other siblings, our personalities were all different, yet we had largely the same upbringing. It still surprises me however, just how different they are, and just how difficult it is to parent different personalities. Do you change parenting styles according to your children? How can I be the best parent to each one when their needs, interests and quirks are so drastically different?

You are the same person, you love your children all with the same devotion and vigour, give them all the same opportunities, and to a large extent try to balance out the same attention. Yet they are not the same people and they never will be, I’ve started to learn that you most definitely have to adapt your parenting styles.

One might be more timid and easy-going, while the other is highly social and passionate. One adapts to change, while another might need extra time to adjust. Same parents, same house, same culture, yet two completely different personalities.

The Soft Soul

I have two boys, pretty close together in age (so I haven’t changed much), my eldest is a soft soul. My husband thinks almost too sensitive. He’s not shy at all, in fact quite the contrary, he loves his friends and has the confidence to speak up in a room filled with 100 people. He thrives on praise and has the softest heart in the world, but you just need to look at him with a little disappointment or anger in your eyes and he picks up on it and will cry. He cries for a lot. He is highly empathetic and will cry if he feels he has hurt you.

I know however that is future is bright, he is empathetic, he understands others feelings. He would make a great therapist/doctor one day (though all he wants is to race for Ferrari in Formula One).

Then we have our defiant one

My youngest, he’s a force to be reckoned with. He is not even 3 yet, but yesterday this little guy, in the middle of a meltdown, actually said “Daddy and I both have short tempers”. How right you are my little munchkin. He also adores praise, and love, however, when he decides he wants something, he WANTS that thing, it’s all or nothing and boy oh boy he will break you till you cave. He throws things, he gets cross if things don’t go his way. To put it frankly, he is stubborn as hell.

I know however that if I can nurture this passion properly, I can help him to become a great leader, a confident CEO of a grand empire (though all he wants is to play Golf).

How do parent different personalities in the most effective way?

I’ve come to realise a few things, looking at their “love languages”. The outcome needs to be same because that’s fair but the parenting style needs to be tweaked a bit for their individual style. My eldest thrives on praise. Words of affirmation and encouragement. My youngest doesn’t actually need the encouragement as much, he knows hes got this down and has the confidence to jump right in. While he also thrives on praise, I have also learnt with him to stand strong to your word. Don’t falter, because he does test you. He requires an enormous amount of patience and guidance. I also know that just because he is more “strong willed” it certainly doesn’t mean he is not sensitive. In fact, in a way, he is MORE sensitive and the “aggression” often comes from not knowing what to do with that emotion.

It’s important to give all your children the same amount of attention, take a day in the week or month for some undivided one on one time. Let their own strengths shine through.

Steer clear of labels (which is exactly what I just did when i described them), by repeatedly referring to a child as “naughty”, they will believe that they are indeed naughty, and use that as an excuse to fall back on. I’ve heard my youngest a few times saying “I’m naughty hey”.  Don’t over emphasize their differences either.

The truth remains that even when there are two boys being raised by the same two parents, they will be different for so many reasons. I’m looking forward to seeing how they continue to develop and watch as their personalities develop even further. I think as long as you instill the same values and principles in life, the same positive belief in each child you are on the right path. This in an ongoing journey…challenging me every day, but I’ll be sure to keep you updated every step of the way.

I know one thing is for sure, if they can keep the same bond they share now throughout life, they will lead lives filled with adventure with each other by their side.

 

Blaze and The Monster Machines: how simple toys and TV shows can spark creativity and imagination

Blaze and The Monster Machines: how simple toys and TV shows can spark creativity and imagination

Posted on by Rebecca

We all know we should be limiting screen time for our kids…. right?

Well I will be the FIRST to admit there are certain times in the day where TV is my LIFESAVER, and I am not afraid to say it. Yes I try to “limit” their screen time, but I also need my sanity. First thing in the morning, when I am too tired to think and need them to just sit in one place long enough to eat a decent bowl of oats, Saturday afternoons when I just want to try to catch a 15 minute nap and of course sometimes at those unravelling dinner times, when the only way to get them to eat is to watch something on the I-pad (we have all been there right?).

YES, my kids watch TV ! In fact it’s often on in “the background” in my house, BUT, I do monitor what they are allowed to watch VERY carefully.

We are pretty spoilt for choice in today’s world with educational shows for our children, but one of our favourites by far, has to be Blaze and the Monster Machines. As a mum, it ticks all of my STEM obsessed check lists, teaching children about Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (click here to see some of my STEM experiments). As a child it ticks off speed, cars, and crazy imaginative talking animals/vehicles.

Each of the show’s presents some sort of problem that is addressed and fixed by getting kids involved, asking the viewer’s questions directly, inviting responses. My 3-year-old has learnt about concepts such as force, acceleration and friction. He can tell you all about combustion and how an engine works. He knows about angles and trajectory. In fact, by allowing him to watch Blaze I feel like I am encouraging a future scientist in him, I certainly DO NOT worry about him watching TV.

Playing with toy trucks in a sense promotes STEM concepts as well. Toy cars roll, they crash, they race. They learn that “wheels turn” and that cars move faster when pushed downhill. It teaches them pressure, and strength, learning how hard to push a car to make it go further. By playing with the toys alongside the show, they aren’t just “learning”, they are “experiencing it”. The best way to learn is through doing.

Mattel South Africa has a great range of toys out from Blaze and the Monster Machines™. We have had great fun playing with our trucks, re-enacting scenes from Blaze with our Talking “Zeg”. Zeg “loves to race” and is a mighty dinosaur truck who loves to smash and bash. The “Talking Zeg Truck” brings to life for kids the STEM concept of sound waves. Get involved with the kids and create your own adventures.

There is a full range of Blaze Talking Vehicles available to help you and your littlies recreate Blaze’s high octane adventures at home. These monster-sized truck tires, authentic styling and lots of phrases make these talking Monster Machines a must for every Blaze fan! Perfect for recreating the amazing adventures of Blaze and the Monster Machines™, each of these freewheeling vehicles comes to life with phrases and awesome action sounds! Suitable for ages 3 plus.

Technology is here to stay, that’s a given, I won’t feel guilty about letting my children watch TV, but I can also actively get involved in their play time and be selective in the programs they watch. If I had shows that encouraged critical thinking like Blaze does when I was growing up, maybe I would have had a chance to pass physics 🙂

** We received a talking Zeg Truck to review**

Dear New Mummy – you are not alone

Dear New Mummy – you are not alone

Posted on by Rebecca

Dear New Mommy,

You are not alone… These first few weeks can seem so daunting. You thought you had read every book to prepare you for the arrival of your bundle of joy, you had attended every workshop. Yet you feel so unprepared and helpless at the thought of looking after this little human. Every single gurgle or grunt you question yourself, is she too hot/ is she too cold? Is he breathing? Why is he making that grunting sound? He’s not feeding enough, he’s feeding too long. He’s not sleeping long enough, or he’s sleeping too much. She is lethargic today… You know the feeling. You feel inadequate, this is not what you expected. You feel alone.

All of these thoughts and feelings you experience are helping you develop your intuition as a mother. No, it’s not something you are born with. It’s something you develop over time, by connecting with your baby. By getting to know them and their bodies, their reactions and movements. You may cry every time you hold him, unable to soothe his cramps or crying due to sheer exhaustion. IT’S OK Mama, hold your baby, all he needs is your love.

Days turn to nights, the world outside slips further and further away. You feel “stuck”, feeding, changing, sleeping, and burping. You finally get your sleeping bundle down and place her in her crib like she is a package of dynamite, carefully loosening your fingers when BOOM. The crying starts again. Lie down, sleep with her on your chest. Sleep together. The world can wait for now. All she needs if your love.

Dear mommy, it’s exhausting I know. The broken sleep, the crying, the fear of harming your child. You can’t quite see the end and you don’t know how other mothers have done it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The best advice I could ever give you is take each day as it comes, each day you make it through is another day of raising a strong, healthy child. One more tick through the calendar of life. Each day that breaks your baby is another day stronger, because of you.

You will grow and develop a relationship in your OWN way, you will discover your perfect style of parenting in your OWN time. You will become a heroine, nursing night fevers and numerous amount of sick up, you will survive the days on 3 hours of broken sleep. You will become the PERFECT mother to YOUR CHILD. Your child is like no other in the world. You will develop a network of “mummy’ friends, all walking the same exhausting routine together, you will connect and grow stronger.

So listen to others if you would like, compare with friends if you wish but always know that you are in charge of your own journey through motherhood.

When you are feeling alone, staring out the window as your feed your baby for the 9th time that day, know that you are not. We are walking beside you every step of the way. Reach out to other moms, there is a whole new beautiful world of connections to help you through.

There is no other mother like you, and YOU are PERFECT to them.