Category: Motherhood

That First “Real” Playdate

That First “Real” Playdate

Posted on by Rebecca

I don’t know how we got here. Time’s flown by so quickly, in the blink of an eye and now we are here… it’s time, my baby is going on his first ever “real” playdate. By “real” I mean sans mama. It’s a drop and go without me and I am absolutely petrified! I found myself in this situation a few months ago and after chatting to a few other mama’s I know I’m not alone in this ocean of emotions.

So lets talk about that first playdate. My eldest came home from school the other day (he is 5) and said “Mom, my friend needs your phone’s password!” “Password ? Why does he need my password?” I enquired, “So his mum can phone you to arrange a playdate!”, now it makes sense 🙂 He needs my phone number! Wow, I didn’t see that one coming, and I certainly didn’t think I would get emotional about it, but I had a mini break down! This isn’t just the boys going around to play at my bestie’s house (that’s different, I know them like the back of my hand), this is a real school friend. A friendship formed between the two of them, without parents around.

My own childhood was spent happily playing at my friends houses, and they would play at mine too. Having a mum that ran her own business meant I would often go home with friends after school and we would spend our afternoons swimming, riding bikes, eating “fruits of the forest” yoghurts and making forts up in trees. I LOVED it, and I can’t wait for my kids to start experiencing all those memories. However, I’m also nervous, happy, proud and a teeny tiny bit sad that my baby is officially growing up.

What to do you take? Will they go swimming? What will they eat? Do I pack snacks? Do I know have to return the offer and schedule one in return? What happens if they get hurt?

It’s a little like their first day at big school! Sooo many questions to consider, soooo many thoughts running through my mind. Thankfully, his friends mother was more seasoned at this then I was, having older daughters. I think she sensed my anxiety, and messaged me to say I didn’t need to stay and put my mind at ease. She also sent me photo’s throughout the afternoon so I could see my baby was having a great time.

We also has another factor to consider, in the food we eat. Aadam is good and he knows when he is not at home he is not allowed to eat meat if mummy and daddy are not around (we are strictly halaal), so we have already said to him no biltong snacks, no hot dogs etc and he is very good about making sure of that.

Its also brought about a new dynamic between him and his brother. This signifies a new chapter. They are going off down their own independent paths. The terrible twosome is going to be divided, they are going to start having their own friends and own “plans”, I just pray they always stay as close as they are and they don’t leave one another out.

I’m happy to report that the playdate went really well. It helped that I know his buddy is the sweetest little boy ever. They have struck up the cutest friendship and I know his family shares a lot of the same values, so from that side of things, I wasn’t nervous at all.

This was a huge milestone for me and one I struggled with immensely. A few things helped me get through:

  • Be completely honest with the other parent. Find out what is expected, where will they be playing (indoors/outdoors) and which parent will be around to supervise. Don’t forget to ask or mention any allergies as well.
  • I packed Aadam a bag the first time, with his bottle of water and some snacks (just in case he was too shy to ask for anything). He totally didn’t need it but it made mama feel better.
  • We baked a little cookie treat to take with to say “thank you”.
  • I thought it best for the first playdate to leave his younger brother out of the picture, he would be more likely to ask for me, or to get tired quickly. This was Aadam’s day, but I made sure to do something special with his younger brother, so he didn’t feel left out.
  • Set a time and stick to it. I feel 2-3 hours are adequate for a play date. For the first I set it at 2 hours, which I felt was enough time for us both to feel comfortable. You definitely don’t want to overstay your welcome and I certainly didn’t want my baby wondering where mummy was (turns out he didn’t want me to get there so soon and would have quite happily played for much longer).
  • If you are hosting – send the other mum pics of them playing or having a good time. Trust me, it makes such a big difference to the other mum.

Child’s play is completely unpredictable so don’t have too many expectations, go with the flow and the kids will have a great time! Did you worry about your child’s first play date? Do you have any other tips to share with parents?

Sleep Aids To Help Baby – The GRO Company

Sleep Aids To Help Baby – The GRO Company

Posted on by Rebecca

Just when the boys started sleeping through the night (well almost, apart from jumping into our beds every other night, but that doesn’t count does it?), we go and dive into the newborn realm again. Cue broken sleep, swaddling and constant bags under my eyes.

I thought we were pretty sorted, with Raya being our third child there wasnt much that we “needed” in terms of product, in fact, for my baby shower, I asked for vouchers just to stock up on nappies etc. Let me just tell you however, since having Yusuf 4 years ago, so much has changed! There are alot of new products on the market that we never had with the boys.

The GRO company recently launched into the South African market, through TommmeeTippee and over the past month I have been using some of the award-winning sleep aids that they produce.

Both Raya and my youngest son are winter babies, which typically involves a ton of temperature control and sleeping sacks. The GRO Company was founded by two parents who battled to get their baby to sleep, they were introduced to “Sleep Bags” and after a 12 hour sleep as a result, the Grobag was born! Since then they have diversified their range all with the aim to help with a better nights sleep. So if you’re a mama to be, or are battling with bed time, you may want to read on and add some of these products to your wish list!

The GroEgg2

The GroEgg is a fantastic addition to any sleeping space. In the blink of an eye you can glance to check that the room temperature is comfortable for baby to sleep in. It changes colour based on the temperature, blue being too cold of course and red being too hot. At optimal temperature it gives off an orange/yellow hue. It also acts as a fantastic night light.

GroFriends

Our little “Owlie” is a gorgeous addition to the nursery and as baby gets a bit older will be a great soothing comfort to her (if her brothers give it back to her). The little friends can attach to the side of the crib and play soothing lullabies. They are sound activated and can sense crying, so when baby wakes the Gro Friend plays sounds to soothe and comfort baby. Its travel friendly and also has a nightlight option.

  • Their built in CrySensor allows them to listen out for noises made by baby. When the CrySensor is activated, the Grofriends will automatically start playing their soothing sounds and help settle your child back to sleep.
  • Ollie The Owl and Percy The Penguin can hear all noises within a room but are specifically programmed to react to crying or sharp sounds which may disturb your child.

The GRO Snug

This has been used every night for the past 3 weeks! The GroSnugis a 2-in-1 swaddle and sleep sack. You can keep baby’s arms in, or open up the poppers to let them out. Raya has quickly outgrown hers (she is super tall) and we will absolutely be buying another one. Ours is a gorgeous coral/pink colour it has a unique shaped skirt giving baby plenty of room to kick and sleep in a natural froggy legged position. Its suitable from birth upto 5.5 kgs. Personally I LOVE that it opens up from the bottom, meaning you can easily do night time nappy changes without disturbing baby.

GROclock

One of my favourite products from the Gro Company has to be the GROclock. My boys are absolutely loving it! I was struggling with my youngest son waking up at the crack of dawn and not going back to sleep. The GROclock allows you to set a “wake up” time. The LCD screen shows images of the sun, moon and stars to communicate sleep and wake up times. It shines a sunshine yellow when its time to “wake up”. It has a digital clock but it also has visual imaging. Once you set the clock for the night, it has “stars” around the face, with each star representing an hour of sleep. So for kids that can’t tell the time, they can easily wake up and see “there are 3 stars left”. It has an alarm clock feature, which my eldest loves. Now when they wake up all the do is glance at the screen to see if its wake up time.

Other features include a handy key lock option so kids can change the time by themselves as well as an option to set two separate wake-up times; one for nap time and one for night.

The boys anxiously waiting for their clock to turn to sunshine, which means they can leave their room.

GRO Swaddle Dry

All hooded towels are NOT created equal. This uniquely shaped swaddle towel is an absolute game changer, especially in winter! Made from the softest puredry mirofibre it makes for super quick and easy drying for baba, wrapping her up in a blanket like warmth after her bath. The swaddle shape helps me to wrap her up tight and settles her quickly after bath time.

Its machine washable, can be tumble dried and it comes in 4 fun characters. The Swaddle Dry is suitable for upto 6 months and from there they can move onto GRO Towels which are made from the same super soft and absorbent puredry microfibre, as well as the GRO Robes which I think I need to get for the boys.

The Gro Company products are available from Takealot.com, Baby City, Loot, Charleys Boxes, or selected BabiesRUs stores.

GIVEAWAY – WIN A GRO HAMPER WORTH R1500 !!

As a mum of 3 I know the value of a good nights sleep. I have reached the depths of exhaustion and have tried every single trick in the book. Together with the GRO company I will be giving away a hamper to one lucky parent.

The prize includes:

  • 1 x Grotowel
  • 1 x Grobag 1 TOG 0-6m
  • 1 x Groegg2
  • 1 x Grolight

To enter: Make sure you are following In these Stilettos on Instagram and Facebook. All entries will be done via the social media pages and winners will be announced on Thursday June 20.

I Lost My Cool – When You Get Frustrated With Baby

I Lost My Cool – When You Get Frustrated With Baby

Posted on by Rebecca

One of the reasons I started blogging again was this very season, this season of “parenting a newborn”. It can be so incredibly isolating and tiring on your soul. And today, today I lost my cool and got snapped back into reality by my 5-year-old. The physical and mental exhaustion, and constant attention needed got to me, I found myself taking out my frustrations on an innocent 4-week-old.

I find the newborn phase the most challenging. Even after 3 kids, raising a newborn requires a certain amount of patience that I don’t possess. Both my boys were colicky, but both had slight reflux as well. I would walk up and down with them for hours and broke down in tears many times. Raya Maryam certainly hasn’t been “colicky” yet but come 4pm everyday all she wants is her mama, and her mama’s boobs 🙂 Should you not give her any of those things the crying begins. Along with that of course, comes the winds. Each time she falls asleep, I lift her onto my shoulder to burp. Occasionally one or two come out straight away, but then the rest of the time I feel her little body pull up and tenses up completely. She arches her back and starts complaining and sometimes, like tonight, there is just no calming her down. You can try different methods, the shoulder burp, the “leaning forward and rubbing her back” method, the over the knee method, nothing helps to calm her but the boob. Fast forward 3 hours of playing on the “merry go around” of feeding, falling asleep, trying to burp, her little body cramping up and crying; I could feel myself patting her back a little TOO hard. Rocking back and forth a little too hard and shouting at my baby to “stop it”. Like a 4-week-old can understand and listen to me. The frustration was taking over, and I was putting it on my precious baby.

The boys were falling asleep in their beds on either side of me and my 5 year old, sensing my frustration and change in temperament,  sat up in bed and said “Mummy let me take her, I know how to take care of a baby” “really?”, “Yes” he proclaimed, “my teacher showed me, hold them gently like this and move and sing softly to them, you are being too rough.” BOOM.  Snap back to reality that I so needed by my sweet son.

I took a deep breath, said a prayer, kissed my sweet little baby and I gave her patience that I pulled out from the deepest corner of my soul. Hubby wasn’t around at the time, but if he was I certainly would have passed baby onto him earlier on. I remember being at this point with both the boys when they were newborns too, on that snapping point from sheer frustration. Its scary. Its scary to realise how fine that line is and I’m so grateful to have realised beforehand, before I tipped over and accidently hurt my child.

The point of this article of not to get judgement, nor to look for advice on “what could be wrong”.  I know I know we need to get into the feed, wake, sleep cycle but that’s something I have always battled with in the early days. I feed on demand for the first few months.

The point of this article is to let all new moms out there know that “it will be ok”. As a first-time mom the experience of motherhood can be incredibly lonely and isolated. I want you to know that at some point we all will get “frustrated” with our babies. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. Most people will not admit to “getting angry with their baby”, but I’ve been where you are. I’ve cried while my baby cried, I’ve stopped myself from rocking them a little too hard. I’ve felt my nerves reaching snapping point and wondered if I may have hurt my baby. I’ve felt so guilty that I’ve broken down in tears.  Motherhood is wonderful and magical and at the same time awful and hard. Even on my 3rd child I still have these moments.

Don’t be afraid to refuel and recharge. The beautiful thing about motherhood it sometimes all you need is a 5-minute break. Don’t be afraid to just put baby down and walk away for a short while, your sanity is the most crucial thing. Babies also feel emotions. If you are tense and frustrated, they wont be settled. They need soft love and care (one of the reasons my babies settle easier with me typically and not dad).

Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone, another mum. We have all been there and I promise, most mums I have met will never judge. Don’t feel ashamed for your feelings or your response to motherhood. By speaking out you are getting help. Finding a group of mums that you can talk to or that have children similar ages can be a God-send. Just getting out and talking about it airs your frustrations.

No excuse me while I go and kiss my precious bundle. Tomorrow is a new day and a new start, with hopefully a recharged milk supply for this lil monster 🙂

Maternity Style – Dressing Up The Bump

Maternity Style – Dressing Up The Bump

Posted on by Rebecca

Let’s talk maternity fashion. There’s something about being pregnant that gives me an extra boost of confidence (well up until the last 2 weeks were I just feel like a bloated Gorilla). I love “dressing up” my bump in dresses and keep my heels until the very last month. I think it’s the fact that I don’t need to give a damn about my “shape” or “body” as its busy creating a perfect little human and that in itself is beautiful.

I remember how shocked I was when I fell pregnant with Aadam, in 2013, at the lack of maternity wear commercially available. Major retailers like Woolworths and Edgars who previously held maternity lines were dropping them, and if they did still stock any it was available in maybe one shop, all the way across town. Luckily it was my first pregnancy, and I was small (well in comparison to now in any case), so I just upsized tunic style dresses and paired them with coats and heels ala The Duchess of Cambridge.

Fast forward a year to my pregnancy with Yusuf and we were living by the coast, during a different season, and I was now working from home. I didn’t have to worry about the “corporate” look and comfort was key, running around after a 14-month-old toddler while trying to maintain a sense of dignity. Leggings, track pants and long dresses were my staple uniform, but again nothing that I had to specifically go out and buy in terms of maternity.

This pregnancy has been different. 4 years later and baby number 3, I felt that I was showing from as early on as 7 weeks and I knew I would have to stock up on some corporate maternity essentials. Thank goodness I did, I’ve been living in them! Thankfully maternity fashion has developed quite a bit over the past 5 years. We have some incredible local South African brands available that are easy to order online or find in store. My go to this time has been Cherry Melon Maternity. Whilst I had one or two tops of theirs in previous years, I found that investing in the essentials this time around has saved me lots of hassle. Cherry Melon specialises in making women feel as beautiful and comfortable as possible during their pregnancy. They create feminine and trendy maternity-wear that complements your individual style throughout pregnancy, feeding and beyond.

Their sizing is easy, and you just follow your normal sizing style. Their designs are on trend and super comfortable, allowing you to go from wearing them in the first trimester, right the way through to delivery and I’m obsessed with some of their floral oriental style prints at the moment. Sadly, with this pregnancy I didn’t exercise at all, I was so incredibly nauseous for the first 4 months that I could bear to do my yoga or Pilates, and I struggled to pick it up again, however they have also just released a range of active wear for preggy mamas and I would have certainly got these as well. Next up i’ll be investing in some of their breastfeeding range, I need tops that are suitable for the office but easy to access for pumping 🙂

The one must have item I feel every preggy mama should invest in (apart from a maxi dress) is a good pair of maternity jeans. I have found Cherry Melons styles to be the most flattering, on trend and they grow comfortably with you. The back-bum section doesn’t hang all they way by your knees, like some of the other preggy brands.

Personally, I stocked up on the basics: 2 pairs of jeans (1 light, 1 dark), 1 pair of black work trousers, 1 pair of white trousers, 1 pair of leggings and then basic white and black cami’s and vests which I pair with blazers or Kimonos. I also got 3 or 4 Maxi dresses.

If you are feeling confused as to where to start, here are a couple of my pregnancy style tips:

  • Invest in the basics – Cami and Tank Vests, neutral coloured jeans, a good pair of leggings and a pair of black trousers will get you far. Get one great black dress, whether its long or short this will quickly become one of your most versatile style items. Dress it up for a night out or down with a denim jacket for a day look.
  • Accessories – Add cute little belts to show off your bump with maxi dresses or dress up a plain tee with a great throw or kimono.
  • Pair coats with dresses – If you are lucky enough for your pregnancy to fall into the cooler months, this trick keeps you looking slim, showing off the cutest part of your bump and hiding all lumps and bumps
  • Blazers are your best friend – especially if you are working in corporate! Again, by wearing an open blazer, you are slimming down and drawing attention the to cutest part of your bump. Its one of the oldest tricks in TV as well and how they hide pregnant bellies when filming.
  • A great pair of maternity jeans will do wonders, try to stick to a skinny or cropped pair to balance out your big bump.

You can purchase Cherry Melon directly through their online store or visit their standalone stores in Canal Walk, Cape Town; Menlyn Shopping Center in Pretoria or Cresta and the Mall of Africa in Johannesburg. They also stock through Zando.

*I received a few Cherry Melon pieces at the start of my pregnancy as a gift from the brand, but I had also purchased my own. All views expressed are my own personal opinion.*

Selecting The Perfect Pram – Top Strollers To Check Out

Selecting The Perfect Pram – Top Strollers To Check Out

Posted on by Rebecca

One of the most daunting purchases you can make as a parent to be has to be a pram/ travel system. Its literally akin to choosing your first car. There are so many options out there and most prams take up a pretty hefty chunk out of your savings account, if you are careful in your choice, you will absolutely see the return on investment for years to come.

I’ve teamed up with Kids Emporium Bryanston to talk about some of the hottest prams on the market at the moment, and what they are best suited for, to try and help you with your decision.

When buying a pram various factors will come into play.

 

The size of your car, and where the pram will be used. Are you a “city slicker” or are you more of an offroad/farm type? Are you a runner? Do you have more than one small child (ie; will you need a multi pram or an extension kit). Is it value for money? As a mom of (almost) 3 I can tell you my considerations were boot space and the under basket size. (You joke but TRUST me, your pram will act as your shopping trolley on more than one occasion). We chose our pram almost 6 years ago and its lasted us across the kids. We chose It because it wasn’t so bulky and It was a complete “travel system”. Meaning, we could plug-in the car seat, or bassinet, or use it as a normal pram.

Many moms favour travel systems, which include a car seat that clicks into position within the pram. It makes travelling with younger babies a breeze because you can just click them in and out of the car without taking them out of the car seat. A literal lifesaver when you have a lot to juggle.

Find out if there’s a guarantee that comes with the pram and what it covers. Does it include any extra’s (a wind shield, a cup holder (another awesome but overlooked feature), a wind shield? Kids Emporium often run specials across their travel systems offering great discounts or additions, so take your time to shop around!

Here are some of my top choices in Prams available in 2019. In no particular order.

Stokke Scoot

The Scoot is the perfect “Smart Urban Stroller”. It’s easy to push, you can fold it up either with the seat on or store and carry it separately. It has small compact wheels and can fit comfortably into a smaller car like a hatch back. You can customize your scoot by colour and canopy colour or even by a Softbag® for your younger baby. (we even used our Soft Bag as a travel cot when away from home). Scoot is the most compact option (in my opinion) and is easy to fold with one hand. It also comes with various accessories to purchase like a wind protector, cup holder or parasol. Its comes as a complete travel kit in true Stokke style, so you can attach a car seat or bassinet option as well. Baby can be forward to facing or parent facing as well.

Stokke – The Xplory

A little “higher end”, the Xplory was made famous for its unique design and for brining baby closer to your “face” height. Allowing you and baby to be as close as possible. In my opinion it launched the “stylish pram” phenomenon. It’s also part of the “flexible Stokke stroller system”, allowing you to customize your pram with features as well as colours. You can easily swap between a bassinet, car seat or the “pram attachment”. It’s certainly the most stylish pram on the market, in my opinion, but it does have larger wheels so be sure to check size once folded.

The Noola Bug 

The Bug includes everything you need for getting out and about with your little one and offers a complete travel system. The car seat and carry seat can be fixed in a rear or forward facing position. Its 360 Degree swivel front tires give you and baby a “smooth ride” and it has a larger hood providing extra shade for baba. Its one of the more popular prams on the market and is lightweight with a good size shopping basket 🙂

Noola Elite

 

 

Its a stylish and sporty all terrain pram. Perfect for around the town or off road exploring. It also comes as a complete travel system so it can easily convert across a bassinet and car seat option.

Doona

The Doona Pram has been has been highly talked about for some time now. Is it a pram or is it a car seat? It’s both, in one 🙂 There are 9 different colour combinations available and this uniquely designed pram goes from car seat to pram in seconds and has 3 different “modes”. You have to see it to believe so make sure you ask for a demo!

  • Car Seat mode – This mode is intended for use in a vehicle. The wheels are tucked under the Doona body and the handle is placed in Anti-Rebound mode and pressed against the vehicle seat back to prevent rebounding in case of a crash. Doona should only be used in-car seat mode when in a vehicle.
  • Pull-Along mode – This mode is intended for walking and maneuvering in tight or crowded spaces. The wheels are out and the handle is in the vertically upright position to allow puling the Doona right alongside the parent.
  • On-the-Go mode – This mode is intended for walking in open spaces – just like a stroller. The wheels are out and the handle is extended in a 45-degree angle towards the parent.

Mima Xari

Apparently this is one of the most purchased prams at the moment. It certainly very stylish and the “leatherette” design is popular in South Africa and is super easy to clean. The seat can recline into 3 different angles and the handlebar is adjustable. Choose from a chassis that’s black, rose gold or graphite grey and customise with your choise in colour of seat. Accessories can also be added, such as the matching nappy bag and cup holder.

Easywalker MINI Buggy

In my mind, this is the perfect “stroller” or buggy for travelling. It folds up incredibly small and offers a super smooth ride, even on rougher terrains or runs through airports. It is fully reclinable and apparently can be used from birth until 20kgs. Interestingly enough (even though it’s not obvious from the offset), it is car seat compatible which means you can actually just clip in your car seat using an adapter.

BabyZen Yoyo

I have to say while initially this would be my first choice in a pram, the more I see and read about this pram the more Im liking it. It absolutely is one of the most compact prams I have seen. Infact, folded up you can take it onboard a plane as cabin luggage! Baby lies parent facing as a newborn and it can come with a flat carry cot for infants. Using the same frame when baby is 6 months + swap it over so baby can sit up and see the world. It can hold up to 18 kgs and is so lightweight it can be carried like a bag.

The following brands are not available through Kids Emporium Bryanston, but I wanted to mention them as they are also two of my favourites:

Thule 

The brand has come a long way since launching their Urban Glide which is an all-round sports stroller. The “runners” pram with 3 wheels. They recently released the “sleek”, which is a stylish and flexible “4 wheeled” stroller for sharing city adventures with your child. Thule’s first four-wheel city stroller is ideal for busy moms who don’t want to lug around a super-heavy stroller. If you need to push around more than one child, adapters easily turn the Sleek into a layered double-stroller that’s still compact enough to navigate through shops or large crowds.

Mclaren

Another ultimate travelling buggy. I think the best thing about Dubai airport is the fact that you can grab and utilise Mclaren buggys for free as you run between terminals :). The Quest is a full lightweight, sporty solution. The perfect combination of compact, yet fully featured. It offers 4 different recline positions and when the seat is fully reclined, the Newborn Safety System™ can be deployed to create a cozy, enclosed cocoon.

 

So there you have it, that’s my personal preference on the millions of prams and travel systems out there. There are so many more to mention across a wide variety of price ranges. Just remember to ask yourself, will this make my life easier, is this value for money, does it fit into my style/needs and car? 🙂 Happy Pram shopping folks, you can do this! 🙂

On Comparison

On Comparison

Posted on by Rebecca

Have you got a cup of coffee in hand? Get comfy, because this post is a little longer than usual….

I want to talk about comparison, and why as women (actually as humans) we all do it so much and why the unhealthy kind, drives me bonkers. Firstly, know that its natural, and it has been around for as long as the world has existed. Everyone compares. Its all around us, beauty pagents, sports days, competitions. We are bred to want to be the best and “have” the best. But what is “the best?”

I walk into my friends pristine, well laid out, interior designed houses’ and I wish with every inch of my soul that I could have a house like that. I see others with gorgeous big gardens and I find myself dreaming and googling the day away searching for a townhouse that still has a decent sized garden. I am also, naturally, one of the most competitive people I know. I have been since I was a child, but, I like healthy competition and I use it to motivate me to be a better person. On the other hand, I have people telling me, “you’re a super mom”, how do you do it all (I don’t ,but that’s another story). But why do we feel the need to compare? A couple of people have said to me that they have stopped following certain people on social media as they “made them feel like bad moms”. FIRSTLY: There is NO such thing as a “SUPER MOM” (or superwomen if you aren’t a mom). There is no such thing as the “perfect mom”. Every single one of us is perfect in our own way. Every single one of us is trying to juggle multiple balls in the air without slipping on a piece of lego and breaking their necks. Every one of us has our own strengths. That’s what makes us perfect.

I have noticed an alarming trend in my “mum circles”. The number of women I know who are on some sort of medication for anxiety, panic or depression is increasing at an alarming rate. Literally almost 90% of the women I know take some sort of medication to help them cope with the day to day of these debilitating conditions. In the last 10 years the use of antidepressants has increased by 80%. Yes, awareness of post-natal depression and anxiety has increased, and stigmatization has decreased which absolutely leads to more openness, which is fantastic. But, as a “fixer”, It saddens me, I want to know what is causing it? Why is there such a need, why are we struggling within ourselves?”

I am not a doctor, nor did I further my psychology degree past undergraduate level, but logic tells me it is largely linked to pressure and of course the huge lack of, or broken sleep, mums go through (it’s a proven torture method). In those “early sleepless stages” of being a new mum, two things got me through: Firstly, the daily mantra of “this too shall pass”. The sleepless nights, the daily colic, this is a phase and one day it will be over (and it was), so take one day at a time and know that the sun will shine again. The second was; “It is normal” – It’s natural to have your hormones go into overdrive, to be weepy one day and then the next few weeks have no feeling at all because you are just too tired. (disclaimer here: postnatal depression is very very real, and sometimes it is not natural to feel a certain way so please please don’t be afraid to speak to someone).

Pressure not only comes from work and home life, but 360-degrees, from all angles. Trying to “live up” to certain “societal standards” of what the perfect wife and mum should be. Pushing to get that perfectly toned body, to make that perfect dinner, to do that activitity with the kids or to be something or someone that is not true to yourself.

That leads me to talking about social media……

It’s a 2-sided sword for many people. For me personally, social media is motivation. I have never once thought “oh my gosh that woman makes me look so bad”, because, my gosh, there’s a lot of you out there with such incredible talent. If I compared myself to all the incredible women out there, I would have already dug my own grave. I use it as a motivational tool to inspire me. I first turned to social media when I would look for ideas and activities to do with my kids. That’s how my blog blossomed. I realised that a lot of mothers out there wanted ideas and we could all learn from each other. We needed to share the best places to go or relevant, age appropriate activities for our kids. I used it to connect and grow. It was never about “who can do it better”, it was about sharing, and learning. For some people however, it is used as a comparison. Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” , so lets turn it around. Use it with purpose, don’t just mindlessly scroll. Use it with intent; to inspire, create or share in a community.

Let me share my flaws: My house is not how I want it, there is so much I would love to do but I have no clue where to start. Its mismatched and messy, but that’s not where my talents lie. I used to enjoy cooking, nowadays it’s a “means to an end” and I just cook whatever I can muster up the energy to after a long day at work. I aspire to be like some of the gourmet chefs I follow on Instagram, (Naqiyah Mayet, you should offer lessons :)), but, at this point, I am not that mum. I may be in the future, but that’s not the chapter I am in right now. In terms of my marriage, I’m not the best wife by far! I fall asleep with the kids most nights and end up leaving my poor hubby to watch TV by myself, but I do have other strengths. I do know one thing though: I LOVE my husband more than the world. I appreciate him and all that he works so hard to provide, faults and all. I love him. I adore my children, more then I can ever put into words, and I miss them so much in the day my heart aches. I know that life has seasons, stages and chapters. So perhaps, in the future, when I have more time and my kids have a more exploratory palette I’ll find my joy in cooking again, maybe one day when my focus is not so much on buying month to month essentials; I’ll be able to spend a bit more money on my house. But for now, my chapter is trying to find that balance between work, my kids and my hubby. Trying to raise well balanced, well mannered boys, who are not materialistic.

I accept that I’m not perfect. I know my faults, and I try to own them. (Ask my husband, I am so messy I literally need someone to follow me around the house :), but I am improving!)

So please mama’s, let’s not compare, lets appreciate and see other’s strengths and admire each other for them. You have your own, you may not see it yourself, but your children will. Your loved ones will. We are stronger as a community and if we all utilise one another’s strengths, instead of trying to compete against one another, we will lift each other up. Maybe your strength is making pretty lunchboxes for your kids, and maybe it’s not, but that’s okay. Remind yourself that what you see on other people’s “outsides” cannot compare to what your value is on the “inside”. KNOW YOUR VALUE. Your life is what YOU make of it. So live the best life you possibly can! Whether you find your joy in creating art with food and beautiful spaces, or whether you find your joy, like me, in watching young minds learn, explore and mess 🙂 Find your joy and let It fly!

I hope this post makes sense and I hope we can all support each other and lift each other up. We are all just trying to be the best humans/wives/mothers we can be. Be proud of who you are and what you offer. You are unique and that’s what makes you perfect!

Reflections

Reflections

Posted on by Rebecca

What a year 2018 has been. Looking back I can’t actually believe the change that has happened in our lives, so many things and so much to be grateful for!

As a mother, looking at my now 5-year-old, this year has seen him grow into such a big boy. He thrived in a bigger preschool and his art work all of a sudden blossomed into clear pictures. (I thought he would never get there 🙂 ). He went from hesitantly walking into preschool every morning to waking me up at the crack of dawn, already fully clothed begging me to take him to “school”. Such huge milestones that we so quickly forget about. My “baby” went from 2 to 3 years old and suddenly sprouted up to nearly as tall as his “big brother”. He too went from clinging to me like an octopus in the morning at play group to happily (most days) walking in, and telling me all about his day with his “friends”. He learnt to do forward rolls, gymnastics, tennis and made huge leaps in his swimming!

On a personal front I gained the honour of winning the best art and crafts blog through the SA Mommy Blogger awards, such an incredible honour for me and I am so grateful that I get to make a difference, no matter how small, in parents lives. I also took the deep dive into moving my blog over to a self hosted domain, the best decision I have ever made. Thank you Dan for all your help! 2018 saw me working with brands I never thought possible, and I’m so incredibly grateful for all the opportunities and people I have met along the way. The events and products that I have been able to work with are a dream come true, and one that I will never take lightly.

We explored, we adventured, we baked (a lot), we farmed, from raspberries, to vegetables and pomegranates. We crafted, hard, from bath bombs to sensory trays, science, bath time playdough and squishy balls. All while learning along the way.

Some of my favourite posts still include the what to do in Johannesburg series, from our favourite Park and Picnic spots, to restaurants with play area’s and adventure spots. As a mom to young kids these are invaluable, I know I certainly am always on the look out for new places. The latest one is on my favourite festive entertainment spots to visit over the Christmas period.

I think the biggest change came in the second half of the year.

I took a leap and decided to return to an “office job”. I have always worked, but I was fortunate enough to spend close to 5 years working from home, which meant I had beautiful quality time with my boys all while “maintaining” a corporate presence. There are always sacrifices to make made though, and various factors influenced my decision, but the second half of the year saw me working in an office away from home during the day and its been a huge (but good) adjustment. Shortly after that we found out we were expecting baby number 3 (a bit of a shock to say the least), and completed our tri-factor chance with hubby moving into a new job too!

When we play with change in our house we really go all out….

Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing, though I really do miss the quality time with my kids, I think they have adjusted well. I also miss my time at New Body Studio and finding time in the day for my Pilates, ballet and yoga. It’s not really the ideal time with this big ol’ baby belly (well actually it is), but I’m confident I’ll get back there.

The main purpose of this post is Gratitude. For all the opportunities I have had, and all the new connections and friends made. For all the lessons I have learnt (some tough), and all the future that lies ahead. I look ahead to the next year with excitement and a little anxiety as we start the world of “big school” and Insh’Allah we will welcome a baby girl into the world. I also have big plans for this little blog of mine, and I hope to continue to grow and learn. Which brings me to my next point.

I have entered the South African Blog Awards again under the categories best arts and crafts and best parenting blog. If you feel that I have contributed in any of those area’s in your life, please vote for me in the awards. It takes less than one minute, by clicking on this link and select your category choice (or both). You’ll then receive an email to verify your vote, which takes about 15 seconds. You can also vote by clicking on the badge on the right hand panel of the blog. Voting ends on 31 December and it would mean the world to me to have your support.

Thank you to all of you for staying with me in 2018 and I’m looking forward to an adventure filled 2019 !

Happy Holidays!

Love,

Rebecca

 

To My Second Child

To My Second Child

Posted on by Rebecca

To my baby boy….

I realised something on this long weekend. We have been so very unfair to you.

You are still a baby, yet we treat you like you’re a big boy. You still need me so much but we just “expect you” to be the same or handle things the same way as your big brother does.

The age gap between you and your big brother is so small that you have grown up too quickly! You were crawling before 6 months, you said your first words at 10 months and were walking before your 1st birthday! All you wanted was to keep up with your big brother and do all the things he was doing, and you have never let anything stop you or get in your way. Because of that however, we have also treated you largely the same way, forgetting that you need to find your own path, and have your own experiences.

I was so busy running around after your brother when you were a baby and I didn’t really stop to savour your milestones and moments, I never really had quality time with you, teaching you colours and reading you stories like I did before. Have I forced you to grow up too quickly?

Looking back at this past weekend, all you needed and wanted was me. While the “big boys” were fishing, you sat next to me and played with your cars in the sand, we swam together, we went exploring together. Sitting next to me at mealtimes wasn’t enough, you had to sit on my lap. I held you as you fell asleep and it was then I realised, you just needed extra love.

You are only 3 years old, but we expect you to act like a 5-year-old and for that I’m sorry my baby. I’m sorry for all the times I haven’t let you vent your frustrations or all the times I have told you to be a big boy. You don’t have to be my love. I am here for you always, and from now on, you can take as long as you need.

I watch in amazement at your excitement of becoming a big brother. All you have ever wanted since before you even turned 2 was a “baby”, and this is “your baby” as you say. At 3 years old you are telling us how “you wont share any of your toys with baby as they are too dangerous and she could choke, but you will give her all of your “soft toys””. My baby boy, you are too sweet for words. In amongst all your feisty, stubborn temperaments is just a little boy with the sweetest heart filled with love (and a love for sweet things).

The guilt washes over me, have I shown you enough love or given you enough time. Do you know how incredibly proud of you I am? From day one, you have impressed me beyond measure. You were one of the happiest babies I have ever met. I had it easy with you. You just rolled into our routine (apart from always crying in the car). Your cheeky smile is contagious and never fails to cheer me up. Your ability to negotiate for a 3-year-old is well beyond your years and the absolute favourite part in my day is when you insist I hold you as you fall asleep. The only time in your full 9 hour day that you actually stop and rest and let me hold you.

So, this one is for you my sweet, cheeky boy. We love you more than you will ever know, so please, take your time in growing up. I will never put my expectations unfairly onto you again. While I may not have a perfectly filled out baby book for you as I did with your brother, you amaze me. Every step of the way!

Rolling with the Punches – Making The Best Of Stressful Situations

Rolling with the Punches – Making The Best Of Stressful Situations

Posted on by Rebecca

When it all unravels……

For us personally, 9 out the 10 times we travel, one of the kids will get sick.. I don’t know what it is, but it is something we can pretty much place a bet on. My sister was the same growing up, she was the one who would always fall sick as we were about to embark on the 13 hour car journey. Perhaps that’s why I roll with the punches and go with the flow, because I expect it.

Its been a while since I wrote a “from the heart blog”, and I miss it, it’s the reason I started this blog. To reach out to moms and parents to let you know you aren’t alone. We have all or, will all be there at some point. So bear with me as I tell the tale of our past weekend.

Rewind 5 days and we are packing for our first little family getaway for the whole year, yep, our first weekend away in 365 days as a family and one that was desperately needed. My eldest had not slept well the night before and when he woke up in the morning he complained his tummy was sore, but “Its OK mummy, it’s because one of the boys’ in my class had a sore tummy too”. OK, not too bad, I can deal with a tummy bug. I ran out in the morning to organise a few last things before our afternoon flight and got back home at noon to a little boy with a 39 degree temperature. I gave him his first dose of Nurofen for kids, and packed up the last few things in the bags, expecting the fever to drop. No such luck, hubby comes home from work expecting to change and jump into our cab for the airport, only to find our son crying of a sore ear now and his fever had only gotten worse! I was not a popular person….

They say you need a balance In every relationship, and my golly we got one in ours 🙂 I am typically the calm one, “it’s going to be OK”, “It’s not too serious”, “we will get through this”, and my hubby is well, to put it lightly, clearly not 🙂 He wants to cancel everything and not go. Enter my “mummy make a plan mode”. I first check, to appease my hubby largely, the likelihood of us changing our flights to the next day. (Not going to happen and the price was ridiculous). Next move is to add Panado into the mix this time (which dropped the temp) and thirdly I packed Zip Lock bags packed with ice for face cloths to travel with to bring the fever down.

I know kids, rather, I know MY kids. I know when things are very serious, and typically when it’s something that’s “part of life”.. This (I was hoping), was the latter. By the time we reached the train station and airport the Panado had kicked in and our little man perked right up. Though I confess, I decided, after many years of not using one, to whip out the stroller. I was not about to make a sick kid run through the airport.

We made the flight with literally 2 minutes to spare (hubby was convinced we were still turning around and going home) and seemed to all be OK. Until we started to descend…. My eldest has always had more sensitive ears, and now we with some sort of ear infection/tummy issue going on it tripled the pain. He had fallen asleep on the flight but as we started to descend, we woke up screaming, and he didn’t stop. My poor baby. Now mama was feeling bad, I shouldn’t have made him come. Bubble gum, food to chew, swallowing water nothing helped and he didn’t want anything either. I just held him tight and told him to chew chew chew.

Then came the puking, luckily that was not on the plane, and was actually the only thing I feared when travelling with him. However we were safely at our destination, and it actually made him feel better. Remember my post on what to pack when travelling with kids? At the last-minute I left my Celestamine at home because the bottle was a bit leaky, and boy oh boy did I regret that. Poor little poppet couldn’t even breathe properly at night he had such a bad post nasal drip.

But the very next day, my baby was ALMOST right as rain, a bit of a gunky eye, but he had a weekend filled with swimming and beach fun. It was a weekend filled with late nights and adventure, and one we could have missed.

The late nights of course, slowly catch up though…

So to anyone who saw us at the airport on Sunday, I publicly apologise for the melt down my youngest had. My boys, I’m thankful to say, are typically well-behaved. Except on this occasion. Waiting to board the plane, with 200 other passengers lined up around us, my little one had the melt down of the century. I had bought them little planes from the sweet store, so they could “fly their planes” as our plane flew. Expect my “smalley” didn’t want a plane, oh no, he wanted a race car, and he let every single passenger know. I’ve never received “looks” before, but oh boy, I received a crap load of them in that moment. I gently told my son the reason why I bought two planes that were the same, instead of his beloved race car (because I knew that when it came down to it, he would have cried for the flying object) and ignored him until he was done crying. I will not shout at my child and cause a scene in public, they have already done that for all of us. I told him his behaviour was unacceptable, explained my reasoning and told him when he was finished, if he wanted, he could have his plane. 10 long minutes later he came up to me and said, “OK, but can I have the orange one please”. The looks I received though, with my wailing child walking behind me, will stay with me for a while.

Thankfully our flight home was much calmer, with no dramas or ear ache. Everyone is back home and now it’s my smalley’s turn to fight this bug. Funnily enough a lady we sat next to on the plane ride over said “we were amazing, and had ‘aced’ parenting”, probably the best compliment I have ever received 🙂

My point of this post is really that life happens. Of course, not every person would deal with this situation as I did, some people may even think it was selfish to still travel. Of course, If I felt my son was horribly ill I would have cancelled everything. If he got worse the next day I would have stayed with him every moment. My life Is my children’s. I was blessed with the honour of bringing them into this earth and it’s my duty and privilege to be there every single moment. But life also happens and sometimes things unravel. Plans don’t go according to the way we hoped. We adjust, we do the best we can in situations, and that is all that anyone can ask. Embrace the chaos, and roll with the punches mama.

We have a weekend filled with beautiful moments now, and after a long stressful year, I wouldn’t have changed any of it. Thankfully, hubby had a great time too 🙂 Now I just need to teach him how to calm down in stressful situations 🙂 Any tips on that?

My Ultimate Christmas Wishlist {Giveaway}

My Ultimate Christmas Wishlist {Giveaway}

Posted on by Rebecca

I’m not that fussy when it comes to gifts, in fact, one of the most memorable gifts my husband has ever given me, I’ll never forget, was the year he gave me a pack of socks for my birthday! Of course, there was another gift attached to it, but he bought me the socks because he knew that all of my socks were “holey”. It honestly was the most thoughtful gift and one that I will remember forever.

So here’s my ultimate Christmas Wish List. Some smaller, some bigger but all are perfect for me, and you of course ! Keep on reading and there may even be another little giveaway involved, something just for you, because we all need a little spoiling!

 

From Top Left to Right:

  1. I have made no secret over my love of Lush Products. This Stardust gift set contains some of my absolute favourites including the Star Light Star Bright Bath Melt and the Snow Angel Shower Gel. R785
  2. This pregnancy has got my legs and feet aching almost daily. A famous “Mama Mio” Pregnancy Massage from Life Day Spa would go down an absolute treat! R710
  3. I am in dire need of a new purse. I think I’ve been using the same guess wallet for the last ten years and I’ve been lusting over this “Cara Wallet” from Poetry South Africa. R650
  4. I almost cried when Urban Decay announced they were discontinuing their original “Naked” Palette, thankfully they have redeemed themselves with this incredible Naked “Cherry” Palette. R875.
  5. A lady can never have too much jewelry. This Pandora Reflexions bracelet offers a
    range of mesh bracelets that are elegant, feminine and timeless. They can be personalized with clip on charms ! R1199.00
  6. I think a scented candle tops my wish-list every year, I could have one burning in every room. A scented candle adds glamour and elegance into any room and this Jo Malone Peony and Blush Suede candle tops my list! Available from Woolworths at R565.
  7. Since they launched a few weeks ago I have been obsessed with these Festive Gift Sets from Dermalogica South Africa. My choice would be the “your most radiant skin set” which includes the raved about rapid reveal peel as well as Dynamic Skin Recovery. Available from their new stand alone store in Sandton, online, or any Dermalogica approved retailer. R1295.
  8. Le Creuset has had my heart for years and I cook daily in their cast iron pots. This Pasta/Salad Bowl in Carribean Blue is the perfect accessory to any summer table! R670.
  9. Of course I couldn’t choose just one and the “Sleepy” Shower Gel” from Lush South Africa is possibly one of my favourite scents in the whole world. R315/520g
  10. I think I feature a marble and rose gold cake stand every year from Woolworths South Africa. This year the trend continues and as does my love for this two tier Marble and Copper Cake Stand. R599.
  11. This “White Lily and Peony” glass scented candle from Poetry South Africa would look perfect on my dressing table. R199.

 

GIVEAWAY:

I promised a bit of a treat 🙂

Together with Pandora South Africa, I will be giving away one beautiful Reflexions Bracelet to spoil either yourself, or someone special in your life worth R1 199.00. Pandora wants you to get the perfect reaction this festive season with their range of beautiful jewellery pieces. PANDORA Reflexions offers a range of mesh bracelets that are elegant, feminine and timeless.

To enter:

All you have to do is comment on this article on why you love Pandora Jewellery.

Make sure you are following one of Pandora’s social media accounts; Instagram: @theofficialpandora

or Facebook: @PandoraSouthAfrica as well as “In these Stilettos”.

Share this article to spread the love !

Competition will close on December 16th 2018. Open to Residents of South Africa Only. Winner’s name will be picked at random.

#PerfectGift #PerfectReaction #PandoraStyle #ArtofGifting