Tag: new mum

I Lost My Cool – When You Get Frustrated With Baby

I Lost My Cool – When You Get Frustrated With Baby

One of the reasons I started blogging again was this very season, this season of “parenting a newborn”. It can be so incredibly isolating and tiring on your soul. And today, today I lost my cool and got snapped back into reality by my 5-year-old. The physical and mental exhaustion, and constant attention needed got to me, I found myself taking out my frustrations on an innocent 4-week-old.

I find the newborn phase the most challenging. Even after 3 kids, raising a newborn requires a certain amount of patience that I don’t possess. Both my boys were colicky, but both had slight reflux as well. I would walk up and down with them for hours and broke down in tears many times. Raya Maryam certainly hasn’t been “colicky” yet but come 4pm everyday all she wants is her mama, and her mama’s boobs 🙂 Should you not give her any of those things the crying begins. Along with that of course, comes the winds. Each time she falls asleep, I lift her onto my shoulder to burp. Occasionally one or two come out straight away, but then the rest of the time I feel her little body pull up and tenses up completely. She arches her back and starts complaining and sometimes, like tonight, there is just no calming her down. You can try different methods, the shoulder burp, the “leaning forward and rubbing her back” method, the over the knee method, nothing helps to calm her but the boob. Fast forward 3 hours of playing on the “merry go around” of feeding, falling asleep, trying to burp, her little body cramping up and crying; I could feel myself patting her back a little TOO hard. Rocking back and forth a little too hard and shouting at my baby to “stop it”. Like a 4-week-old can understand and listen to me. The frustration was taking over, and I was putting it on my precious baby.

The boys were falling asleep in their beds on either side of me and my 5 year old, sensing my frustration and change in temperament,  sat up in bed and said “Mummy let me take her, I know how to take care of a baby” “really?”, “Yes” he proclaimed, “my teacher showed me, hold them gently like this and move and sing softly to them, you are being too rough.” BOOM.  Snap back to reality that I so needed by my sweet son.

I took a deep breath, said a prayer, kissed my sweet little baby and I gave her patience that I pulled out from the deepest corner of my soul. Hubby wasn’t around at the time, but if he was I certainly would have passed baby onto him earlier on. I remember being at this point with both the boys when they were newborns too, on that snapping point from sheer frustration. Its scary. Its scary to realise how fine that line is and I’m so grateful to have realised beforehand, before I tipped over and accidently hurt my child.

The point of this article of not to get judgement, nor to look for advice on “what could be wrong”.  I know I know we need to get into the feed, wake, sleep cycle but that’s something I have always battled with in the early days. I feed on demand for the first few months.

The point of this article is to let all new moms out there know that “it will be ok”. As a first-time mom the experience of motherhood can be incredibly lonely and isolated. I want you to know that at some point we all will get “frustrated” with our babies. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. Most people will not admit to “getting angry with their baby”, but I’ve been where you are. I’ve cried while my baby cried, I’ve stopped myself from rocking them a little too hard. I’ve felt my nerves reaching snapping point and wondered if I may have hurt my baby. I’ve felt so guilty that I’ve broken down in tears.  Motherhood is wonderful and magical and at the same time awful and hard. Even on my 3rd child I still have these moments.

Don’t be afraid to refuel and recharge. The beautiful thing about motherhood it sometimes all you need is a 5-minute break. Don’t be afraid to just put baby down and walk away for a short while, your sanity is the most crucial thing. Babies also feel emotions. If you are tense and frustrated, they wont be settled. They need soft love and care (one of the reasons my babies settle easier with me typically and not dad).

Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone, another mum. We have all been there and I promise, most mums I have met will never judge. Don’t feel ashamed for your feelings or your response to motherhood. By speaking out you are getting help. Finding a group of mums that you can talk to or that have children similar ages can be a God-send. Just getting out and talking about it airs your frustrations.

No excuse me while I go and kiss my precious bundle. Tomorrow is a new day and a new start, with hopefully a recharged milk supply for this lil monster 🙂

Lets Get Real About The First Trimester

Lets Get Real About The First Trimester

As you are reading this, know that these words were typed a while ago. I’m currently in the thick of things but I’m not meant to be telling anyone yet. Why do we do that? Why do we wait 12-13 long weeks to tell people some of the happiest news in our life? When, if something actually had to happen in these first few weeks, this is when you would need the most support?

Incase you haven’t guessed it HOOORAAAAAH we are delighted to announce our family will be growing to a family of 5 early next year! Planned? Not so much, but wanted? Absolutely 100 percent. Yes, the timing is a little off, it was only something I had wanted to start thinking about mid next year. I’ve just started a new job, the boys are transitioning into school, but God’s timing is always best, and I have always put my up most faith into his plans.

Moving onto the point of this blog.

THIS.IS.TOUGH……….

The toughest I have ever had to be perfectly honest, and because I’m emotional, and because I’m feeling very sorry for myself. I decided to document a few things I hate about the first trimester. I’m documenting them as I know in a few short weeks, I’ll have forgotten about the hell of the past 3 months and would have moved on to feelings of excitement and wonder. But right now, let me wallow.

The first trimester is all about: gritting your teeth with nausea, too afraid to talk because it will bring on a wave of sickness. Its falling asleep sitting up because you can’t lie flat or you will be sick. Its food aversions, I haven’t had a cup of my beloved tea in 3 months, just the thought or smell of it is enough to make me wash my mouth out! Its mood swings, its feeling and looking like crap, but guess what? You can’t tell the world in case anything happens. As a woman, I’m expected to walk around like everything is fine and dandy, still take care of my family and make sure they are all happy and fed when all I want to do is sleep for a million years and not retch when making a meal.

Here are the things I despise the most about this first trimester:

The bloating – I don’t know if my stomach is trying to see if it can stretch out enough or if it’s just testing me, but the first few weeks of discovery were plagued with bloating. My stomach was so bloated I literally looked 6 months pregnant. I had people querying if I was already at 8 weeks, purely just because my stomach was bloated.

Indigestion – What on earth is this?  I have ever experienced indigestion in my life. I don’t ever recall having this level of discomfort. By the time 4 pm rolls around each day I am so uncomfortable it literally feels like my stomach is sitting in my throat. My throat is on fire and so is my chest. I’m thirsty but I don’t want water because it will add to everything else

The exhaustion – I’ll be honest, I’m pretty used to this part. I generally have low blood pressure and am slightly anaemic so add in a growing baby and I am like the walking dead. My poor husband has literally sat alone each night for the past 2 months as I have fallen asleep by 8pm with the kids. I’m passed out, literally. I don’t want to go anywhere on the weekend, I don’t have the energy to even wash my hair. Possibly the one “ailment” I can deal with as I know my body needs all the energy it can get to grow a healthy human.

My hormones have gone off the rails – I’m naturally an optimist. I’m a happy person and typically nothing gets me down or depressed for very long. This pregnancy however has left me feeling, dare I say it, depressed. Don’t get me wrong – I am not depressed about the pregnancy, no way, I love this little lentil more than the world already. I have nothing to be depressed about. I’m just feeling low. I know it will pass, and I know it’s because everything is out of sync at the moment and it is also due to my low energy levels.

The helplessness – Knowing there is sweet bugger all I can do about anything. I still must wake up every morning, go to work and put a smile on my face. I feel like the biggest pile of dog turd, but I need to fetch my sweet boys with the energy of a teenager and give them the attention they deserve in the afternoons. I need to buy as many “easy to make” meals as I can to get through dinners for the next few months, because this too shall pass.

I cannot wait for these first three months to pass. To feel a little more like my old self again and to share our happy news. I know this is a negative ninny post, and not like my usual. I wanted to write it because it’s important for mothers to be to know these feelings are NORMAL! I am thrilled I’m growing a beautiful little baby inside of me and am ecstatic for the future ahead, BUT, I have also felt like CRAP, and that’s OK MAMAS!

 

UPDATE BEFORE I CLICK PUBLISH: I’ve had two days nausea free! Hooraaaah, am I through the woods? We also went for our scan last week and baby looks perfectly healthy and on track. Insha’Allah (God willing), everything will look up from here.

My top C-section recovery essentials

My top C-section recovery essentials

If you follow my blog I’ve written numerous articles on pregnancy and essentials for newborns. I’ve also written about my V-Bac experience. I haven’t really focused on my C-section as such because well, apart from being last minute and completely unexpected it was uneventful I guess. What you would expect from a C-section. Continue reading “My top C-section recovery essentials”