Category: Motivationals

Finding Your “WHY” And Remaining True

Finding Your “WHY” And Remaining True

Posted on by Rebecca

The whole Instagram hiding likes thing versus drops in engagement has got me thinking recently…

I found myself over the past few days noticing a HUGE drop in the number of “likes” I received on Instagram, of course it worried me. It concerned me that I wasn’t putting out enough good content, it concerned me that my readers weren’t relating to my content anymore. Thankfully I’m old enough and wise enough to not take it personally and to understand that Instagram is going through some changes, but it got me thinking about all the users who do measure their sense of worth and self belief against this tool. Scary thought right? The only reason I ever started paying attention to “likes” is because I know that brands look out for it to measure ROI, but true engagement means so much more then just a heart button.

The amount of times I haven been approached by people on Instagram who want to “get into blogging”, looking for advice on how to start is more than I can count. Before I give advice away, my one response to everyone will always be, is “WHY”? What is your passion? Would you still blog if there was no Instagram? Would you still share your thoughts and stories if there weren’t any “perks”?

Now more then ever, with the changes in algorithms and measures of engagement, you should definitely keep sight of your purpose. It’s one of the reasons why I hate the term “influencer”. Yes, I can fully understand why it’s used, but I truly believe no individual can call rightfully call oneself an “influencer”. People around you can refer to you as one, but an “influencer” should come from a natural place. It should be an honest, first hand experience, not just someone plugging every single branded item. It should come from a place of authenticity. So if you start your blogging career with the aim to “be an influencer”, my suggestion is to walk away. Times are changing.

My “WHY” is, and has always been to help other mothers. In whatever way that may be; whether it’s to inspire you with creative crafts and activities to do with your children, or the best places to go that are child friendly in your area (the top reasons I started my blog up again); I want to help mothers on their journey. If you’re a new mom in that crazy, whirlwind newborn phase, and you don’t know what to do or where to turn, I’m here for you. If you’re starting out on your breastfeeding journey or experimenting with solids for the first time, I can relate, I am just a message away. Motherhood is my “WHY” .

Motherhood is something you can never actually understand or prepare for until you are in it. Becoming a mother for the first time is one of the most confusing, self doubting stages in all your life, whether you are the smartest woman in the world or not, we all experience the same things. I wanted to create a community and a safe space for any mum to reach out. For all mums to know that we are in it together and to create a community where we can all support one another along the way.

I may have gotten caught up a little with measuring my worth against others with more hearts on a social media page, but ultimately, you are all my “why”. So thank you, thank you for staying with me in this journey of motherhood. Thank you for reminding me of why I chose to blog and for being “my why”.

Fathers Day Gift Guide 2019

Posted on by Rebecca

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday 16 June and thankfully progressed so much further then beers, braai’s and socks (though i couldn’t resist and included one pair of socks). Gifts have expanded; we can now buy experiences (my favourite kind), artisan coffee making courses to custom designed sports goods. Here are a few of my top picks for this year. All links are attached and you can purchase most of these goods online.

From top left to right:

The K-Way Men’s Harlow Down Jacket is perfect for cold weather outdoor pursuits, its wind and tear proof and is perfect for dad’s daily commute or a weekend hike. I want to get one in black for the whole family! R1 999, available for purchase in store only.

Personalised fleece gown from R499.95 from Netflorist

My husband adores his mini tool kit, you can grab yours from Mantality
at R175.00

Camel Leather Belt from Trend and Miller at R299.

You can never go wrong with a great cologne. YSL Kouros Gift Set from Edgars R1400.00 .

Sweet tooth? How about some Sugar Cookies from Sugar and Paper Parties, ranging from R60 to R130.

Organise all the important things in dad’s life in one space with this
Stand Organizer from Mantality R749.00

Silvery has so many gorgeous options I’m not sure where to start, from the “Compass Coordinate” Cufflinks”, which start at R950 to the personalised KeyChains and Neck pieces which start at R450. Why not engrave their thumbprints or a personal piece onto the Keyring?

Whats Fathers Day without a pair of socks? Best Dad in the Universe from Trend and Miller R79.

Impress the golfer in your life with this Callaway Chipping Shot Net R699.99 avaliable online at the Pro Shop.U

How sauve is this Unisex Leather Vanity for the traveller in your life, avaliable from Thandana at R792.00

The Tekut Bamboo Biltong Slicer will make slicing biltong easier and dad will have endless biltong for those rugby matches and afternoon snacks. Just R399 from Cape Union Mart.

The Leatherman Rebar with Leather Pouch is ideal for handy dads. Again, I think I must have bought my dad at least 3. This is perfect for camping, hiking, or weekends away and comes with convenient features such as screwdrivers, pliers, a file and a saw to name but a few, there isn’t much he won’t be able to do. R1 199 available to purchase in store and online.T

I Love a good leather bag, think there is something so chic about this Medium Traveller Bag from Thandana, R3227.00.

You can never buy a man too many Swiss Army Knives, no seriously, you cant. I’ve bought my dad about 5 (word of advice, don’t keep them in your pocket going through airport security.) The Victorinox Spartan 12 Function is a great entry at R325 from Cape Union Mart.

Netflorist has an incredible range of personalized T-shirts and hoodies. To suit any type of dad, whether you he’s a retro geek or he loves golf, you’ll be sure to find one for your family! From R299.95.

How cool is this laser keyboard? Perfect for the techie dad and small enough to be carried across the world. Laser Keyboard – R799.00 from Mantality.

That’s it! I could have gone on and on but those are my top picks for this year. Happy “daddy’s” day to my dad and my wonderful husband. Anyone can be a father but being a dad is truly a lifetime responsibility.

“Nursery” Reveal – Making The Most Of Small Spaces

“Nursery” Reveal – Making The Most Of Small Spaces

Posted on by Rebecca

I’ve debated for a while now whether to do this post or not, because well, our littlest doesn’t really have a “nursery”. In fact, its something I only ever did with our eldest. With Aadam, I painted the room in a soft muted grey, found the cutest elephant decals, had candy stripe walls etc. It was fun, and I loved that room, I spent hours in there (obviously). With your second and third child though these things don’t matter as much. Lets be honest, for the first few months baby sleeps in your room, next to or in your bed. We have moved around a little and have been renting the past few years, so we aren’t as free to paint the walls any colour of the rainbow either.

All that being said, this is my first little girl, and I wanted a space especially for her. The problem is, we have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. The boys share a room, I always wanted them too, (Until they are teenagers anyway). I also want to keep my guest room. All of our family lives out of town so its important for me to have a room for guests to come and stay. So space for Raya’s room was very very limited.

I knew I wanted a neutral theme to blend a guest room and nursery together. I first spotted the tropical “bananas for you” Sleepyhead Pod and the Maccie Blanket with tropical leaves and I knew I wanted a tropical theme. I know its very “on trend” at the moment, and I normally steer away from “trends”, but this is too gorgeous and so refreshing. I then also found a gorgeous tropical bumper from “Delicious Monsters” on Instagram, a local company based in Durban. Claire from “Gathered by Claire” custom made me a felt banner for my little fierce princess, which fits in perfectly with our theme and when another friend of mine relocated to Amsterdam, I jumped at the chance to buy her white crib, literally having sold our old cot a month before I fell pregnant.

This left little space in the room for anything else (we already had the queen sized bed in it), but I still didn’t have a compactum, or any drawers for clothes, or shelving! I searched the net for a while, but everything I found was a little too long, or wide or bulky for the space.

Enter CoziCot 🙂 I contacted CoziCot hand asked them to custom make me a compactum drawer set and some bookshelves based on a design I had seen and on the measurements I was working with. I wanted the bookshelf to fit flush against the back of the cupboard, as it was really the only space it could fit, and the compactum to squeeze into the corner next to the crib. They made up the furniture according to my requests and delivered it fully assembled. The quality of the finish is incredible and the drawers have a “soft close” to them. The bookcase is everything I imaged and the size and height are perfect! I am absolutely thrilled with the results and my hubby wants me to contact them again to do some drawers for our bedroom and the boys room.

So now I have a guest room and a baby room in one. Its not overbearing or screaming with pink anywhere, and I still have enough shelf space in the cupboards for guests to use. Its not complete yet, I’ve been looking for a hanging element to hand under the shelf above the changing mat for a while and I think I spotted the perfect one from Clever Little Monkey made by Tiger Lily that i think will complete the room perfectly!

Did you have a nursery for all of your children? Id love to see other shared spaces and how you have managed to balance the two. How would you style it?

Giving Back With Cadbury Dairy Milk And “The Little Generosity Shop”

Giving Back With Cadbury Dairy Milk And “The Little Generosity Shop”

Posted on by Rebecca

We all have toys that our kids don’t play with that we want to give away or donate right? We often never know where to drop them off or run out of time to do so. You may have noticed, a few weeks ago I shared a very poignant advert done by Cadbury. It showed paper planes floating down the centre of the iconic Ponte building, highlighting the fact that 3.7 million orphans in South Africa have very little opportunity to experience the smallest things in life, things like toys and books. In a bid to help turn things around Cadbury Dairy Milk has launched “The Little Generosity Shop” across the country.

What is the shop exactly? Its a mobile store that has been set up for you to drop off your toys/ books that Cadbury will distribute to orphanages and homes across South Africa. Today marks the official opening of the store to the public, and yesterday we popped around for the launch and to drop off our donations. When visiting “The Little Generosity Shop”, you can leave any toys or books you may have and get the opportunity to write a personalized message to a child that will be receiving it. In addition, you can learn about the history of Cadbury Dairy Milk and pick up tips on how to spread your generosity further with “Cadbury Chronicles”. The aim is to collect 3.7 Million toys in this period, and you can watch the counter move as each person donates toys. How cool?

Over the past few weeks we have been sorting through our toys, choosing ones we don’t play with anymore. Giving the boys the authority to choose makes the separation a little easier, but to our surprise we received an exchange of chocolate bars in return, which was a lovely treat for the boys parting with some of their precious toys.

I urge all South Africans to get behind this fantastic initiative. We all have old toys and books that our kids don’st play with anymore, and there are so many children who have never had a chance to play with any. Cadbury Dairy Milk is making it easy for us to drop them off and do the distribution, so there is no excuse not to take part!

You can find “The Little Generosity Shop across the country at the following points:

  • Johannesburg: Sandton City, Checkers Court (29 May – 17 June)
  • Durban: Gateway Theatre of Shopping, Centre Court (25 June – 8 July)
  • Cape Town: Canal Walk Shopping Centre, Centre Court (19 July – 5 August)

There are mobile shops in the following cities:

  • Bloemfontein: Loch Logan (7,8 & 9 June)
  • Port Elizabeth: Baywest Mall (15 & 16 June)
  • Pretoria: Irene Village Mall (28, 29 & 30 June)
  • Nelspruit: Riverside Mall (12, 13 & 14 July)

To find out more visit www.cadburyglassandahalf.co.za , lets make South Africa a better place together!

https://youtu.be/8dKQH_pkXPA
Ramadan Traditions

Ramadan Traditions

Posted on by Rebecca

I often get asked by my non-muslim friends about our traditions and practices in Islam, in particular around our holy month of Ramadan. When I first reverted to Islam I had a close circle of friends who were all so incredibly welcoming and open in their practise of Islam, sending around food to neighbours (muslim or not) just before Iftaar (the break of fast each evening). They would always set extra places at the table, and the food, somehow, was always enough. One of my closest friends at the time Fatima, is a shining example of what a good Muslimah should be. She could whip up a feast in literally half an hour, without any warning, and make absolutely anyone feel at home. If you reading this Fats, I love you, and I’ll always look up to you!

I digress, I’ve gotten a few questions recently about how we “celebrate” Ramadan, specifically with the kids, and when I asked on instagram recently if anyone was interested to see what we have in our little Ramadan boxes, 100% of you said yes. So here I am sharing 🙂

Last year (with a lot more time on my hands), I made up a gorgeous little Ramadan corner in our playroom. The bookshelf was cleared of everything else and items related to Islam and Ramadan were placed on the shelves. We made up little “Dua Books” (Prayer books) for the boys to write in – On each page we wrote what we were grateful for and learnt a short prayer. We did a number of activities related to the crescent moon (Ramadan follows the cycle of the moon, so the sighting of the crescent moon signifies the start and end of Ramadan). These included making our own moon sighting binoculars, making moons out of plates and sticking on buttons. We also made our own Ramadan calendar (a little like an advent) and in each pocket, for each day, we had a different activity to do. Things like : bake cookies, learn a new Kalima, give money to charity etc.

I reused a lot of these things this year, as you can imagine with a newborn around, time is a little more limited. While I would have loved to have redone or purchased everything new, both time and money were limited!

Ramadan “boxes” are all the trend, so this year I made up a box for the boys. In it, I put a selection of our favourite Islamic children’s books, all from Suhayla Kids. I put together a blog last year on some of my favourite books around Ramadan, and Suhayla Kids has even more titles available this year; you can read up on some of them here.

New cloaks were also put into their boxes, alongside their prayer mats (the boys have always been obsessed with having their own special prayer mats), and a tasbeeh (prayer beads). When I have a little more time I would like to do that as a separate craft, have the boys make up their own prayer beads. I chucked in a couple of colouring books and the Sadaqah Jar (money for charity) we made up last year. We also received the cutest little personalized Wudu towels from their cousin that I added in (Wudu is the act of ablution one makes before praying).

I haven’t got any fancy activities planned for this year, though every week we will be focused on teaching the boys the 99 names of Allah.
The names can often seem complicated and abstract to children. They don’t really know what they “mean”, but by associating the names with an activity or craft, we show the children a more concrete representation, creating a connection and a memory. Apart from that I really would like to take them to an orphanage or charity to get hands on involved in helping others.

So that’s how I prepared the boys Ramadan boxes, I’ve been dying to get Ramadan PJ’s made for them but the closest I got this year was new Pyjamas with the moon on them (close enough right?).

How do you get your kids excited for Ramadan and do you have any special family traditions?

Love Local – Mama Noo Nursing Wear

Love Local – Mama Noo Nursing Wear

Posted on by Rebecca

Its been a while since a proper blog post, in between feeds and winding and trying to make various kiddos sleep a moment to type is quite rare these days. This is one post however that I cant put off any longer, because their products have made such a difference to me post-partum. In today’s Love Local Blog I feature the dynamic duo behind Mama Noo Maternity and Nursing Wear, and not a moment too soon with their winter range launching in 3 days.

I have the lifestyle maternity bra and it honestly is super comfortable. The cotton is soft and is not too tight at all. It has just enough stretch in it. There is nothing worse then a maternity bra that is too tight or “scratchy”, but the lifestyle bra has been fantastic. I love the fact that it is a sports bra style (there are various styles available), ideal for mums getting back into an exercise regime. I also received a pair of the delicate knickers. These are brilliant for your post-partum needs and are high waisted, which allows extra comfort especially if you have had a c-section. I actually wouldn’t take these to the hospital because I wouldn’t want to ruin them with those first few days after birth, I kept mine for when I was home and things were a little less messy 🙂 Either way a set of these and a bra would be the perfect gift for any mama to be!

Tell me more about yourselves and what you currently do?

Sisters by law, friends in awe. We are two sisters-in-law who became best friends through the journey of getting married and becoming stay-at-home mothers. I (Imne) live in Paarl with my husband and two little buttons (4y old boy and 20mnth old girl). Emsie lives in Stellenbosch with her husband and they have a boy (4y) and little girl(2y).

We love motherhood and try our best to embrace the joys, challenges and daily curve balls that life can throw. However, it is such a privilege to raise our children and be able to have our own business and work from home.

How did “Mama Noo” come about?

We love everything about breastfeeding and truly believe in all the rich benefits it holds. We breastfeed our children for at least 18-24 months. So, whilst on this adventure, we realized the complete lack of beautiful (but still functional and comfortable!) maternity underwear. We certainly did not want to flaunt the ones we then wore for months on end. We started out in October 2016 when our first imported bras arrived. It sold like hot cakes, and we realized the opportunity in our hands. Soon after we decided to start manufacturing locally. This allows us to tailor our products to mothers’ exact needs, and provide outstanding quality, whilst supporting ethical businesses in our own economy. 

What did you study – was it in this field or something different?

Hahaha, not at all. In our previous lives (before children) Emsie is a qualified dietician and I’m a social worker and play therapist.

What was your first job and how did you progress to this?

We both worked for a couple of years in traditional 8-5 environments. Emsie had the natural business skills (developed by having her own dietetics practice), and I always had a knack for art and design and was eager to learn more. We both thrive on creativity applying it in a dynamic environment. The interest in textiles, patterns and fashion grew as we started to develop our own collection of maternity panties and nursing bras. Mama Noo is a great channel for us to utilise our creativity and business skills.

What have been the highlights of starting your own business?

There is something so special about developing your own brand when you believe in its value and difference it can make in mothers (and of course dads 😉 ). Developing our own maternity wear and seeing the result of all the late nights of work (working hours are usually from 21:00-01:00) culminate in one-to-one moments with our clients on a personal level is the heart of what we truly do and enjoy. It is rewarding to see a need in the market addressed through our products while improving our products and in the end generating income.

What’s the best part of your job?

We love seeing a mommy’s face light up when she has fit and felt our lingerie nursing bras or maternity panties and loves the fabric, comfort and support that they offer. We believe in our products and it’s a joy when our customers experience the value of it.

Flexible working hours and being able to work from home with the privilege to be with our children is a blessing. 

What is the most challenging part?

We love being mothers and raising our kids from home, but with this privilege comes a few sacrifices as well. We work during the day when we find a gap and after hours which means work is often delayed and take a little longer to finish to accommodate our family life. We have had ups and downs and needed to climb a few mountains to be where we are today. Everyone in the clothing design business would know how technical a nursing bra is. It has taken us two years to design, test and develop our first Lifestyle Nursing bra that is supportive, sports friendly and gorgeous to wear. We are super proud and cannot wait for our next style to launch soon!

South Africa is still quite conservative when it comes to online shopping. Therefore, mom & baby expos and markets are still the way to go until. Expos can be very time consuming, extra hard work over weekends and time away from our family.

Describe a typical day in your life.

Haha, this can really be subject to change as we have our children with us the whole day without nannies. So our children are part of our business and we plan to accommodate them first…then our business 😉 But a typical day might look something like this: 

06:00-08:00 Read and reply to emails regarding orders for stock, arrangements for fittings and discussions around our patterns and adjustments.

08:00- 12:00 Courier comes to collect parcels for clients. At least once a week we will have a fitting as well. 

12:00 when our youngsters sleep we do some more admin. Sometimes we would get an au pair to help us out during the afternoon.

21:30-00:00 After tidying the home and spending some time with our husbands we would attend to customer queries, reply to emails, budget, prep for new orders to go out the following day.

What are the “secrets” to your success?

We believe in our product’s value and that we really address a need amongst pregnant and nursing moms of all types and sizes that look for comfortable, supportive and functional yet beautiful maternity lingerie.

How do you balance being a mummy and starting your own business.

We are on the journey of figuring it out. As a new online business there is so much that still needs to be developed and mastered. We are only two in the business and working from home (apart from our husbands and grandparents that have their own share as well in supporting us 😉 ).

So, it can be challenging when we are in work mode and when we switch off and just relax and give our full attention to our kids without distractions.

What is your dream for Mama Noo?

To be able to manufacture all our products locally and only sell our own garments.

To be in retail so that moms have a store to go and fit and feel our products.

To export to such an extent that anyone anywhere can be able to buy our products online.

Any tips for people wanting to take the leap and start their own business? 

If you have a dream and the determination to fulfil it and know your “Why?”, the “How?” will come in the process and nothing will stop you.

Love Local – Felt and Fairies, Meet Claire From “The Little Banner Company”

Love Local – Felt and Fairies, Meet Claire From “The Little Banner Company”

Posted on by Rebecca

I think the thing that I love the most about Motherhood, is that it’s opened my eyes and network to the most incredible, creative women. Since I’ve had the boys I have connected with women whose creative talents leave me speechless, literally! Claire is absolutely one of those women.

I first came across Claire on Instagram, while she and her family were still living in the UK. Our boys are similar ages and she had the prettiest feed and photos of her explorations with baby Jack, she even moved back to Cape Town just as we moved back to Johannesburg. I feel like we were destined to “meet” each other, “soul sisters”, even though we have never actually met “IRL”.  🙂 🙂

Anyway, enough of my blabbing, among Claire’s many talents (you should see her gathering and art skills), she started “The Little Banner Company” which makes the most adorable felt products for kids. Think magical wands, crowns, christmas stockings and the sweetest banners for kids rooms, offices, or wherever you feel like really! I chatted to her in a bit more detail around her exciting plans for 2019!

Tell me more about yourself and what you currently do?

I’m Claire!  I am married with two kiddos.  We moved to Cape Town 3 years ago after being in the UK for 12 years, and, it has been the best decision we ever made!  I have a part-time admin job for a few mornings a week and I create content, photograph and blog over on Gathered By Claire as well as create and sell fabric and felt products in my online shop – The Little Banner Company and at craft markets.

How did “The Little Banner Company” come about?

When I was on maternity leave in 2014 I found creativity was my outlet and allowed me to do something for me – having a baby is all time-consuming so I thrived by creating, writing and photographing each day and sharing it online.  I then got into sewing banners and they did really well on etsy and I loved doing it.  I then fell pregnant with my second unexpectedly so put it the business on hold for a few years.  In 2018 I started creating again and realised I have such a passion for creating products for my customers to brighten their homes.

What did you study – was it in this field or something different?

I studied psychology and health & social care – but I never did anything with my degree.  In hindsight I think I just studied because I felt it was something that was expected of me.  So, no – nothing to do with what I am doing now!

What have been the highlights of starting your own business?

Freedom!  I really struggle with authority and having to do things in someone else’s timeframe.  I love creating and am really passionate about it – it has brought me so much joy to do the thing that I love for my job.  Making my own money is also very important to me and one of my goals over the next few years is to become financially independent.  Also connecting with other creatives on social media has been such a huge blessing – Instagram is a wonderful community and there are so many of us out there who are like-minded and cheer each other on.

What’s the best part of your job?

Having my own schedule and seeing a finished product.

What is the most challenging part?

Sticking to a routine and procrastination.

Describe a typical day in your life.

I normally wake up around 6am. I shower, get dressed and have breakfast with the boys while they play and get ready for school. I take them to school around 7:30am and then either come home and do some work or go to my part-time admin job. The boys stay at aftercare 3 days a week until 3pm so on those days I try to get a lot done.  On the other two days we either have swimming or a playdate with friends.  Supper is at 5pm, followed by shower time, a bit of tv and then into bed for 6:30pm. We are very strict with an early bed time as Jack & Harry don’t nap so most evenings, they are asleep by 7:15pm. In the evenings I tend to tidy up the kitchen (I prefer going to bed with a clean and tidy kitchen!) and then do some sewing, writing or sometimes I watch a bit of TV. And then asleep by around 11pm.  And onto the next day!

How do you balance having a family (being an amazing mum and wife) and starting your own business?

It is hard!  But I am very strict with making time for myself and my business and then at the same time making time for my family.  It is something you have to muddle with and after some practise you find your groove and what works for you and your family.  I think it is all about honesty with yourself, communication with your partner and being kind to yourself.  I also believe you can have everything you want but just not all at once so its about accepting that and being realistic with what you can do in the time that you have.

What is your dream for The Little Banner Company?

I would love to have my products stocked in various shops around South Africa.  I want to sell more internationally too and also grow my blog and help others realise their passions and do what they love.  I want to share more content about simple living and help others with creativity and motivation.

Any tips for people wanting to take the leap and start their own business?

Just do it!  You have to start somewhere.  Write down your goals, your dreams and your aspirations as if money was no object.  Break these goals down into little steps and then each day work on those steps.  Good things take time but if you never start, you will never know.  Action breeds confidence and with confidence and the right attitude you can achieve anything!

You can find Claire online across the following sites:

Instagram: claire_choudhry

GIVEAWAY:

Claire has kindly said that she would like to custom make a banner for any reader/ follower here, anything you want!. It is the perfect addition to any nursery/kids room, teachers gifts and would make a gorgeous gift as well.

To enter:

Make sure you are following @IntheseStilettos and @Claire_Choudhry on Instagram

Leave a comment below, (here or Instagram) and tell me what your creative outlet is?

Competition is only open to Residents of South Africa and will run until Midnight on February 27th 2019.

Winners will be announced on Instagram and will have 24 hours to respond.

Remember, the purpose of the “Love Local” series is to inspire you to reach your dreams. Chatting to families and individuals who have just gone out and followed their dreams and made something out of their passions! So out and conquer your dreams. Everything is achievable, day by day!

 

 

On Comparison

On Comparison

Posted on by Rebecca

Have you got a cup of coffee in hand? Get comfy, because this post is a little longer than usual….

I want to talk about comparison, and why as women (actually as humans) we all do it so much and why the unhealthy kind, drives me bonkers. Firstly, know that its natural, and it has been around for as long as the world has existed. Everyone compares. Its all around us, beauty pagents, sports days, competitions. We are bred to want to be the best and “have” the best. But what is “the best?”

I walk into my friends pristine, well laid out, interior designed houses’ and I wish with every inch of my soul that I could have a house like that. I see others with gorgeous big gardens and I find myself dreaming and googling the day away searching for a townhouse that still has a decent sized garden. I am also, naturally, one of the most competitive people I know. I have been since I was a child, but, I like healthy competition and I use it to motivate me to be a better person. On the other hand, I have people telling me, “you’re a super mom”, how do you do it all (I don’t ,but that’s another story). But why do we feel the need to compare? A couple of people have said to me that they have stopped following certain people on social media as they “made them feel like bad moms”. FIRSTLY: There is NO such thing as a “SUPER MOM” (or superwomen if you aren’t a mom). There is no such thing as the “perfect mom”. Every single one of us is perfect in our own way. Every single one of us is trying to juggle multiple balls in the air without slipping on a piece of lego and breaking their necks. Every one of us has our own strengths. That’s what makes us perfect.

I have noticed an alarming trend in my “mum circles”. The number of women I know who are on some sort of medication for anxiety, panic or depression is increasing at an alarming rate. Literally almost 90% of the women I know take some sort of medication to help them cope with the day to day of these debilitating conditions. In the last 10 years the use of antidepressants has increased by 80%. Yes, awareness of post-natal depression and anxiety has increased, and stigmatization has decreased which absolutely leads to more openness, which is fantastic. But, as a “fixer”, It saddens me, I want to know what is causing it? Why is there such a need, why are we struggling within ourselves?”

I am not a doctor, nor did I further my psychology degree past undergraduate level, but logic tells me it is largely linked to pressure and of course the huge lack of, or broken sleep, mums go through (it’s a proven torture method). In those “early sleepless stages” of being a new mum, two things got me through: Firstly, the daily mantra of “this too shall pass”. The sleepless nights, the daily colic, this is a phase and one day it will be over (and it was), so take one day at a time and know that the sun will shine again. The second was; “It is normal” – It’s natural to have your hormones go into overdrive, to be weepy one day and then the next few weeks have no feeling at all because you are just too tired. (disclaimer here: postnatal depression is very very real, and sometimes it is not natural to feel a certain way so please please don’t be afraid to speak to someone).

Pressure not only comes from work and home life, but 360-degrees, from all angles. Trying to “live up” to certain “societal standards” of what the perfect wife and mum should be. Pushing to get that perfectly toned body, to make that perfect dinner, to do that activitity with the kids or to be something or someone that is not true to yourself.

That leads me to talking about social media……

It’s a 2-sided sword for many people. For me personally, social media is motivation. I have never once thought “oh my gosh that woman makes me look so bad”, because, my gosh, there’s a lot of you out there with such incredible talent. If I compared myself to all the incredible women out there, I would have already dug my own grave. I use it as a motivational tool to inspire me. I first turned to social media when I would look for ideas and activities to do with my kids. That’s how my blog blossomed. I realised that a lot of mothers out there wanted ideas and we could all learn from each other. We needed to share the best places to go or relevant, age appropriate activities for our kids. I used it to connect and grow. It was never about “who can do it better”, it was about sharing, and learning. For some people however, it is used as a comparison. Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” , so lets turn it around. Use it with purpose, don’t just mindlessly scroll. Use it with intent; to inspire, create or share in a community.

Let me share my flaws: My house is not how I want it, there is so much I would love to do but I have no clue where to start. Its mismatched and messy, but that’s not where my talents lie. I used to enjoy cooking, nowadays it’s a “means to an end” and I just cook whatever I can muster up the energy to after a long day at work. I aspire to be like some of the gourmet chefs I follow on Instagram, (Naqiyah Mayet, you should offer lessons :)), but, at this point, I am not that mum. I may be in the future, but that’s not the chapter I am in right now. In terms of my marriage, I’m not the best wife by far! I fall asleep with the kids most nights and end up leaving my poor hubby to watch TV by myself, but I do have other strengths. I do know one thing though: I LOVE my husband more than the world. I appreciate him and all that he works so hard to provide, faults and all. I love him. I adore my children, more then I can ever put into words, and I miss them so much in the day my heart aches. I know that life has seasons, stages and chapters. So perhaps, in the future, when I have more time and my kids have a more exploratory palette I’ll find my joy in cooking again, maybe one day when my focus is not so much on buying month to month essentials; I’ll be able to spend a bit more money on my house. But for now, my chapter is trying to find that balance between work, my kids and my hubby. Trying to raise well balanced, well mannered boys, who are not materialistic.

I accept that I’m not perfect. I know my faults, and I try to own them. (Ask my husband, I am so messy I literally need someone to follow me around the house :), but I am improving!)

So please mama’s, let’s not compare, lets appreciate and see other’s strengths and admire each other for them. You have your own, you may not see it yourself, but your children will. Your loved ones will. We are stronger as a community and if we all utilise one another’s strengths, instead of trying to compete against one another, we will lift each other up. Maybe your strength is making pretty lunchboxes for your kids, and maybe it’s not, but that’s okay. Remind yourself that what you see on other people’s “outsides” cannot compare to what your value is on the “inside”. KNOW YOUR VALUE. Your life is what YOU make of it. So live the best life you possibly can! Whether you find your joy in creating art with food and beautiful spaces, or whether you find your joy, like me, in watching young minds learn, explore and mess 🙂 Find your joy and let It fly!

I hope this post makes sense and I hope we can all support each other and lift each other up. We are all just trying to be the best humans/wives/mothers we can be. Be proud of who you are and what you offer. You are unique and that’s what makes you perfect!

Reflections

Reflections

Posted on by Rebecca

What a year 2018 has been. Looking back I can’t actually believe the change that has happened in our lives, so many things and so much to be grateful for!

As a mother, looking at my now 5-year-old, this year has seen him grow into such a big boy. He thrived in a bigger preschool and his art work all of a sudden blossomed into clear pictures. (I thought he would never get there 🙂 ). He went from hesitantly walking into preschool every morning to waking me up at the crack of dawn, already fully clothed begging me to take him to “school”. Such huge milestones that we so quickly forget about. My “baby” went from 2 to 3 years old and suddenly sprouted up to nearly as tall as his “big brother”. He too went from clinging to me like an octopus in the morning at play group to happily (most days) walking in, and telling me all about his day with his “friends”. He learnt to do forward rolls, gymnastics, tennis and made huge leaps in his swimming!

On a personal front I gained the honour of winning the best art and crafts blog through the SA Mommy Blogger awards, such an incredible honour for me and I am so grateful that I get to make a difference, no matter how small, in parents lives. I also took the deep dive into moving my blog over to a self hosted domain, the best decision I have ever made. Thank you Dan for all your help! 2018 saw me working with brands I never thought possible, and I’m so incredibly grateful for all the opportunities and people I have met along the way. The events and products that I have been able to work with are a dream come true, and one that I will never take lightly.

We explored, we adventured, we baked (a lot), we farmed, from raspberries, to vegetables and pomegranates. We crafted, hard, from bath bombs to sensory trays, science, bath time playdough and squishy balls. All while learning along the way.

Some of my favourite posts still include the what to do in Johannesburg series, from our favourite Park and Picnic spots, to restaurants with play area’s and adventure spots. As a mom to young kids these are invaluable, I know I certainly am always on the look out for new places. The latest one is on my favourite festive entertainment spots to visit over the Christmas period.

I think the biggest change came in the second half of the year.

I took a leap and decided to return to an “office job”. I have always worked, but I was fortunate enough to spend close to 5 years working from home, which meant I had beautiful quality time with my boys all while “maintaining” a corporate presence. There are always sacrifices to make made though, and various factors influenced my decision, but the second half of the year saw me working in an office away from home during the day and its been a huge (but good) adjustment. Shortly after that we found out we were expecting baby number 3 (a bit of a shock to say the least), and completed our tri-factor chance with hubby moving into a new job too!

When we play with change in our house we really go all out….

Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing, though I really do miss the quality time with my kids, I think they have adjusted well. I also miss my time at New Body Studio and finding time in the day for my Pilates, ballet and yoga. It’s not really the ideal time with this big ol’ baby belly (well actually it is), but I’m confident I’ll get back there.

The main purpose of this post is Gratitude. For all the opportunities I have had, and all the new connections and friends made. For all the lessons I have learnt (some tough), and all the future that lies ahead. I look ahead to the next year with excitement and a little anxiety as we start the world of “big school” and Insh’Allah we will welcome a baby girl into the world. I also have big plans for this little blog of mine, and I hope to continue to grow and learn. Which brings me to my next point.

I have entered the South African Blog Awards again under the categories best arts and crafts and best parenting blog. If you feel that I have contributed in any of those area’s in your life, please vote for me in the awards. It takes less than one minute, by clicking on this link and select your category choice (or both). You’ll then receive an email to verify your vote, which takes about 15 seconds. You can also vote by clicking on the badge on the right hand panel of the blog. Voting ends on 31 December and it would mean the world to me to have your support.

Thank you to all of you for staying with me in 2018 and I’m looking forward to an adventure filled 2019 !

Happy Holidays!

Love,

Rebecca

 

To My Second Child

To My Second Child

Posted on by Rebecca

To my baby boy….

I realised something on this long weekend. We have been so very unfair to you.

You are still a baby, yet we treat you like you’re a big boy. You still need me so much but we just “expect you” to be the same or handle things the same way as your big brother does.

The age gap between you and your big brother is so small that you have grown up too quickly! You were crawling before 6 months, you said your first words at 10 months and were walking before your 1st birthday! All you wanted was to keep up with your big brother and do all the things he was doing, and you have never let anything stop you or get in your way. Because of that however, we have also treated you largely the same way, forgetting that you need to find your own path, and have your own experiences.

I was so busy running around after your brother when you were a baby and I didn’t really stop to savour your milestones and moments, I never really had quality time with you, teaching you colours and reading you stories like I did before. Have I forced you to grow up too quickly?

Looking back at this past weekend, all you needed and wanted was me. While the “big boys” were fishing, you sat next to me and played with your cars in the sand, we swam together, we went exploring together. Sitting next to me at mealtimes wasn’t enough, you had to sit on my lap. I held you as you fell asleep and it was then I realised, you just needed extra love.

You are only 3 years old, but we expect you to act like a 5-year-old and for that I’m sorry my baby. I’m sorry for all the times I haven’t let you vent your frustrations or all the times I have told you to be a big boy. You don’t have to be my love. I am here for you always, and from now on, you can take as long as you need.

I watch in amazement at your excitement of becoming a big brother. All you have ever wanted since before you even turned 2 was a “baby”, and this is “your baby” as you say. At 3 years old you are telling us how “you wont share any of your toys with baby as they are too dangerous and she could choke, but you will give her all of your “soft toys””. My baby boy, you are too sweet for words. In amongst all your feisty, stubborn temperaments is just a little boy with the sweetest heart filled with love (and a love for sweet things).

The guilt washes over me, have I shown you enough love or given you enough time. Do you know how incredibly proud of you I am? From day one, you have impressed me beyond measure. You were one of the happiest babies I have ever met. I had it easy with you. You just rolled into our routine (apart from always crying in the car). Your cheeky smile is contagious and never fails to cheer me up. Your ability to negotiate for a 3-year-old is well beyond your years and the absolute favourite part in my day is when you insist I hold you as you fall asleep. The only time in your full 9 hour day that you actually stop and rest and let me hold you.

So, this one is for you my sweet, cheeky boy. We love you more than you will ever know, so please, take your time in growing up. I will never put my expectations unfairly onto you again. While I may not have a perfectly filled out baby book for you as I did with your brother, you amaze me. Every step of the way!