In These Stilettos

As you are reading this, know that these words were typed a while ago. I’m currently in the thick of things but I’m not meant to be telling anyone yet. Why do we do that? Why do we wait 12-13 long weeks to tell people some of the happiest news in our life? When, if something actually had to happen in these first few weeks, this is when you would need the most support?

Incase you haven’t guessed it HOOORAAAAAH we are delighted to announce our family will be growing to a family of 5 early next year! Planned? Not so much, but wanted? Absolutely 100 percent. Yes, the timing is a little off, it was only something I had wanted to start thinking about mid next year. I’ve just started a new job, the boys are transitioning into school, but God’s timing is always best, and I have always put my up most faith into his plans.

Moving onto the point of this blog.

THIS.IS.TOUGH……….

The toughest I have ever had to be perfectly honest, and because I’m emotional, and because I’m feeling very sorry for myself. I decided to document a few things I hate about the first trimester. I’m documenting them as I know in a few short weeks, I’ll have forgotten about the hell of the past 3 months and would have moved on to feelings of excitement and wonder. But right now, let me wallow.

The first trimester is all about: gritting your teeth with nausea, too afraid to talk because it will bring on a wave of sickness. Its falling asleep sitting up because you can’t lie flat or you will be sick. Its food aversions, I haven’t had a cup of my beloved tea in 3 months, just the thought or smell of it is enough to make me wash my mouth out! Its mood swings, its feeling and looking like crap, but guess what? You can’t tell the world in case anything happens. As a woman, I’m expected to walk around like everything is fine and dandy, still take care of my family and make sure they are all happy and fed when all I want to do is sleep for a million years and not retch when making a meal.

Here are the things I despise the most about this first trimester:

The nausea –  With my first pregnancy I suffered from nausea. It came in super strong waves, normally in the afternoon and evening, and was almost always triggered by a smell. Cigarettes, Meat Frying or my husband’s cologne. With my second pregnancy I was incredibly lucky, I breezed through with no nausea, no heartburn, no “side effects” whatsoever. Fast-forward 5 years and…YUCK! I am nauseas every single day. All day. It only gets worse in the afternoons and evenings, when my body is most tired. I think I skipped supper for about 2 months straight, yet I’ve still gained 3 kgs. The first trimester is the only time in your life where you have to eat small amounts every 2 hours to try and keep the nausea at bay. I am quieter because the more I talk, the sicker I feel. This is by far the worst I have had.

The bloating – I don’t know if my stomach is trying to see if it can stretch out enough or if it’s just testing me, but the first few weeks of discovery were plagued with bloating. My stomach was so bloated I literally looked 6 months pregnant. I had people querying if I was already at 8 weeks, purely just because my stomach was bloated.

Indigestion – What on earth is this?  I have ever experienced indigestion in my life. I don’t ever recall having this level of discomfort. By the time 4 pm rolls around each day I am so uncomfortable it literally feels like my stomach is sitting in my throat. My throat is on fire and so is my chest. I’m thirsty but I don’t want water because it will add to everything else

The exhaustion – I’ll be honest, I’m pretty used to this part. I generally have low blood pressure and am slightly anaemic so add in a growing baby and I am like the walking dead. My poor husband has literally sat alone each night for the past 2 months as I have fallen asleep by 8pm with the kids. I’m passed out, literally. I don’t want to go anywhere on the weekend, I don’t have the energy to even wash my hair. Possibly the one “ailment” I can deal with as I know my body needs all the energy it can get to grow a healthy human.

My hormones have gone off the rails – I’m naturally an optimist. I’m a happy person and typically nothing gets me down or depressed for very long. This pregnancy however has left me feeling, dare I say it, depressed. Don’t get me wrong – I am not depressed about the pregnancy, no way, I love this little lentil more than the world already. I have nothing to be depressed about. I’m just feeling low. I know it will pass, and I know it’s because everything is out of sync at the moment and it is also due to my low energy levels.

The helplessness – Knowing there is sweet bugger all I can do about anything. I still must wake up every morning, go to work and put a smile on my face. I feel like the biggest pile of dog turd, but I need to fetch my sweet boys with the energy of a teenager and give them the attention they deserve in the afternoons. I need to buy as many “easy to make” meals as I can to get through dinners for the next few months, because this too shall pass.

I cannot wait for these first three months to pass. To feel a little more like my old self again and to share our happy news. I know this is a negative ninny post, and not like my usual. I wanted to write it because it’s important for mothers to be to know these feelings are NORMAL! I am thrilled I’m growing a beautiful little baby inside of me and am ecstatic for the future ahead, BUT, I have also felt like CRAP, and that’s OK MAMAS!

 

UPDATE BEFORE I CLICK PUBLISH: I’ve had two days nausea free! Hooraaaah, am I through the woods? We also went for our scan last week and baby looks perfectly healthy and on track. Insha’Allah (God willing), everything will look up from here.